


Alone I am Nothing

by DreamingDragon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lost Love, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soul-Searching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-10 20:39:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 44,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3302738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingDragon/pseuds/DreamingDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After surviving the fourth Shinobi war, Tenzō leaves Konoha. Memories and doubts drive him away from the only home he has ever known. Unbeknownst to Tenzō, he also leaves behind the one man who sees him for more than his ability—who ignores his DNA and accepts him for his soul. </p><p>Distraught, Kakashi retires from his new role as Hokage to search for his lost love. Perhaps too late, he realizes the power of simple unsaid words. Will Kakashi succeed in bringing home the only person he has ever loved?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ember3ye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ember3ye/gifts).



> A huge thanks to my mate Sam, who helped me beta this and find a name for it. Forever grateful :D

A piercing cry sounded above him, so he looked up to watch the lazy flight of the lone hawk as it spiralled in the clear blue sky. It cried again, a lonesome sound that compounded his own feeling of loneliness. With a sigh, he lowered his head then closed his eyes, trying to shake the awful solitude that had become part of his life once more. A soft breeze toyed with his hair as the sun beat down. He raised a hand to tug on a long strand then played with it in his fingers.

Regarding the lengthy strand, he thought--not for the first time--about cutting it back. He had left it to grow having little interest in how he looked, and there was no one around to call him a girl or mock his long dark locks. It had once been his crowning glory, as long and luscious as the Shodaime's had once been. But now, the thought of that brought back all of the reasons he was currently sitting on the edge of a cliff, alone and desolate.

He pulled a kunai from his pocket, turning the sharp weapon in one hand while staring at the long strand of hair in the other. His eyes glazed over and he forgot the hair and the weapon as he lost himself in the memories invoked by the things in his hands.

For many years, he had attempted to forge himself a path as an individual, wanting to be seen and respected for who he was, not as the one who possessed the DNA of a supreme shinobi. The fact he was mostly seen as a cheap knock off of the great Hashirama had driven him to prove he was more than that. He was just as unique, just as special as anyone. For a long time, it seemed that he had been accepted as such in Konoha, but in the end, that was all he had been to anyone: a clone. A non entity.

But he wasn't a clone, he wasn't even anything like Hashirama. It wasn't as if he had been created in a test tube using the Shodaime's DNA. He had been a person long before that had been forced upon him. He had been a child, with a future and a family, though he could not remember them. A child, stolen to be experimented on and forced to change into something that he had not been destined to become. His DNA had been manipulated with that of another to create a long dead jutsu. That fact did not make him someone else, it didn't make him Hashirama. No one really understood that. No one ever really looked past his Mokuton to see him. They only ever saw the ghost of Hashirama.

All of his life he had fought to be seen as an individual, wishing that his genetic makeup would be forgotten about or overlooked. But then, he was taken for that genetic make up, stripped of all fight and consciousness while being forced to feed an army of white ghouls with his body. Even at the end of it all, he was seen as little more than a clone of greatness. No one had even come to rescue him, and this alone made his thoughts ring true to his heart.

He was barely looked upon as a separate, sentient being. All people ever saw and marvelled over was the Mokuton, his abilities and the fact he possessed the special DNA. No one ever saw him, no one ever saw...hell, he did not even know his real name. Kinoe? Tenzou? Certainly not Yamato, although that was his current designation. All his life he had been treated as property; a pet in human form. Given different names for different masters, never knowing his real one. He was nothing to everyone. With the exception of two men, all he had ever been seen as was a cherished weapon and someone with a life mapped out by another. But one of those men was long dead, a father figure who had seen his strength, uniqueness and individuality. The other man, had been the world to him. He had given him choices, given him a new life and treated him as an equal. Yet the thought of that man now just made him angry.

But anger was an emotion like any other, and he quashed it behind his iron will as he looked back to the sky. The hawk had stopped its circling and was flying away. He watched it until it disappeared.

If I could fly, I would fly forever, he thought.

Running away was not in his nature for he had always been strong and dependable. Never backed out of a fight, never left a task undone. Dependable, reliable, and ultimately exploited. He had known as soon as he had arrived back in the village that he had to leave; it hurt too much to stay. He could no longer live with those who regarded him as little more than a copy. He knew he wouldn't even be forgotten. He meant so little that no one would even remember him enough to start forgetting him. Only one person might have made him change his mind, but that person had already left him behind, forgotten about him.

But none of it mattered now. He had cast off his previous life with the clothes and face protector he had left behind in the small, bleak room that he had been his meagre home in Konoha. He had left the village without even a backward glance, leaving no other trace of himself behind. Like he had never existed.

He wasn't a missing nin. His life was his own now. The war was over, and so he retired and left before anyone had the chance to even clap eyes on him. Of course he had gone to see the then Hokage, and when he told her of his wanting to retire and leave, she had wanted to change his mind. But not even Tsunade could change his mind, no matter how vehemently she tried. In the end, she had shook her head and sighed.

“You have been a most loyal and valuable shinobi, and while I wish that you would reconsider, I can see that you will not. Leave with my blessing and know that you can always come home.”

Home. Her words almost had him doubt his own frustration, almost had him apologize then go hide in his bare lodgings. But then, he was sure she would have said those words to anyone who had went to her with the request. There was no real home for him there. In order for there to be a home, there had to be a place worth living in, family and friends worth dying for, people who cared. Yet there was no one, not now. Even his valuable Mokuton was not needed; the war was over and the beasts no longer required to be controlled. He had nothing and he was nothing. He had always been nothing, worth only as much as he could do for others. It all left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Looking back to the kunai in his hand, he swept his hair back and left it uncut. The sun glinted on the surface of the weapon. He felt down the sharp, lethal edges with his thumb. None of it mattered now. He was alone just as he had been many years ago, except this time there was no fluid filled tank to hold him, and only bitter feelings to keep him company.

Peace. That was all he had ever really wanted; peace and acceptance. Once upon a time, a silver haired man had given him those things, but that was long ago and in a place now far away. While he sat looking out over the plain, he smiled wistfully, remembering the man who had given him the chance of a normal life. They had been close, at first like brothers and then they were lovers. But all the memory did was made him sad. 

Placing the kunai back in his pocket, he stood and stretched out his body then leaped over the edge of the cliff. He landed lightly on an outcropping then dropped to the ground below.  
He would walk until he could walk no longer, and perhaps then, he might stay in that place for a while. But, as he had been doing for the past year or so, he would simply rest then wander the land in search of peace.


	2. Chapter 2

Kakashi sat at the bar of a tavern in yet another strange town, downing sake like it was going out of fashion. Every new town he came to was christened the same way. The first night he spent in a new place saw him drink until he was completely smashed, then pass out cold in a cheap rented room. He would waken the next day without a hangover and start anew his search for the man who had left him behind.

He had been searching for Tenzō for several months now, though the man had been gone for much longer. Responsibilities had not allowed Kakashi to leave the village in his quest to bring Tenzō home. Every day he had sat as Hokage had meant another day in which Tenzō was missing. It had hurt that he could do little about it. Sending out teams to look for him had proved futile. It was clear Tenzō did not want to be found. Hell, the man could hide inside trees and rock, so the chances of just anyone finding him were slim to none.

But Kakashi was sure that he could find him.

As the bartender filled his glass again, Kakashi simply stared at it for a while. He found no pleasure in the fluid before him and had never been much of a drinker. But the alcohol dampened the painful memories that threatened to choke him, so he lifted the glass and swallowed the contents in one gulp.

Staring into space, he thought back to the day Tsunade told him that Tenzō had gone. He remembered the conversation like it was yesterday. Remembered the shock, the anger and the loss. Even after all this time he could still feel the cold that had spread in his stomach at Tsunade’s words.

“He retired and left the village.”

“What?! When?!”

“A few days ago. He asked for release and would not reconsider. He knows Konoha will remain open to him. But I think he’s gone.”

“He will if I go get him.”

"No, Kakashi. I won't allow it. You're the next Hokage. You won't have time to go searching for him. He doesn't want to be found."

“What makes you say that?”

“It was how he looked, haunted, bitter. He went through something horrendous in the war. I don't think any of us will ever truly understand exactly what he went through. He looked tired and angry, washed out and drained. I am in no doubt that he blames us for what happened to him.”

“Blames us? But...how can he blame us? We searched for him until we no longer could! One team died within seconds of finding him, we did our best at a time in which we were all suffering!”

“He does not know that, Kakashi. To him, he was left there to suffer and no one went looking for him. It was a Konoha shinobi who experimented on him, a Konoha superior who exploited him and in his mind, it was Konoha that left him behind. He and I once had a conversation, some time after Sora came to the village. I think he struggled under the weight of his biology. He seemed to feel that he was never valued as a person, always struggled behind the ghost of my grandfather. When you think about it, having those thoughts and then being taken and used the way he was, I'm not surprised he left.”

“Never valued? I valued him! I lo...”

“Did you ever tell him?”

Tsunade had looked at him with rarely seen pity and his face had burn with shame. No, he hadn't.

His face still burned with shame as he threw another sake down his throat and slammed the glass on the bar counter. How could he have been so stupid? So blind? Had Tenzō always harboured these thoughts? Tenzō had always seemed so adjusted to his situation that Kakashi had never thought to question his state of mind. He had never seen Tenzō as just a copy, had never thought of him as anything other than Tenzō.

If only he had thought to tell him.

Kakashi should have sensed Tenzo’s reticence in using his ability. He had always admired the mokuton and never thought twice about asking Tenzō to use it for a variety of reasons. Had he inadvertently compounded Tenzō's hidden misery by needlessly admiring the very thing that linked him to another that brought him pain? He had loved Tenzō, still loved him, yet he had never considered that the thing that made him truly unique might be the one thing that he hated most about himself.

Kakashi retired as Hokage as soon as he could. Leaving the mantle of office for Naruto, he knew the village was in safe hands. But Tenzō was not, and so Kakashi left, hell-bent on bringing his lost love home.

But where was he? Was he still alone, or had he found another to fill the void within himself? Feeling no guilt at all, Kakashi hoped he had not found another. He wanted to be the only one in Tenzō's life, the only man who could truly make him happy. But then, he had already wasted the chance to be that man. He had squandered it over his inability to say three simple words. Tenzō had always said the words with genuine warmth and affection, never faltering. His surroundings melted away as he was struck by a cherished memory, so clear it took his breath away.

Large dark eyes stared deeply into his own. Soft lips spoke words that were lifted on sweet gentle breath that caressed his face. Arms snaked around his neck, pulling him closer as he was surrounded by the scent of pine trees and spring meadows.

_I love you, senpai._

The vision nearly broke him and he turned the empty glass upside down then pushed himself away from the bar. How many nights had he spent drinking in some backwater village, thinking over the same thoughts as these? Remembering what he had lost?

_Too many,_ he thought.

He stumbled his way back to the room he had rented for the night. Faltering in his steps, it took longer to reach the cold lodgings that it should have. As he stumbled almost blindly, he felt a familiar chakra brush lightly with his own. It caused him to knock into a wall, and when he righted himself the chakra was gone. Another fleeting memory of the one he had lost. It took three attempts to unlock the door to his rented room and another two to lock it closed behind him. Kakashi went through his usual drunken routine, spending far too much time in the bathroom before staring at himself in the mirror.

_When did I get so old?_

He wasn't old by any means, but he had lived the life of a soldier and it showed on his features. The story of his life was clearly carved in the lines and scars that covered his face. He looked more like his father than he ever wanted to or believed could. With a sigh, he turned and left the ghostly image behind, then threw himself face down onto the bed.

Why do I do this to myself? He obviously doesn’t need or want me, why don’t I just go back home and get on with my life?

_Because you love him._

The words sprang into his mind, once uttered by his best friend Gai. He found himself remembering their last conversation as he buried his head in the musty pillow.

“I already quit my job as Hokage. I want to take a nostalgic tour, what about you?

“...do you remember the first place we fought at? That was certainly…”

“Strange? Yes, it certainly was. Would you like to visit there? For old times sake?”

“Mah, it would not be easy for me to get there now. I am content to enjoy the memory, and remember the way I was then.”

“You know I would carry you there.”

“I know. But I feel this nostalgic tour of yours has less to do with me and more to do with another.” Kakashi had just stared at him, his heavily lidded eyes never flinching from Gai’s knowing stare. “You forget, dear friend, I have known you for so long that I know how your mind works. I have seen how his absence has affected you all this long time. I would have gone and retrieved him for you myself, if only I could have.” Kakashi had squirmed uncomfortably as Gai continued to smile. “There is very little that you can hide from me, Kakashi.”

Gai knew him better than anyone. The man always had a knack at turning up just when Kakashi needed support, always knew exactly what to say when he was troubled. Of course Gai knew about Tenzō, it really shouldn’t have surprised him.

“Come with me, Gai. Help me find him.”

“I feel this is a journey that you have to make on your own, my friend.”

Kakashi had looked away at that, realising for the first time how vast his journey would be. How lonely. The realisation made him wonder how lonely Tenzō might be and his heart clenched.

“I tell you what. I will help you start your great journey. I will travel with you for a few days, then return to the village.”

“Tell me, how do you even think you will manage that on your own?” Kakashi had asked, gesturing to the wheelchair Gai sat in.

“I wont be on my own. I have already enlisted the help of young Konohamaru.”

Kakashi had stared at Gai in disbelief, the man had known exactly what he had intended to do, even before he himself had known.

“I doubt Tenzō even wants me to look for him. It is a fool’s errand.”

Gai briefly closed his eyes then leaned forward in his wheelchair to rest his mug on the table.

“You know, he loves you very much. I always saw it in the way he looked at you, the way he always wanted to make you happy. I saw how you loved him too, Kakashi. Saw it in the way you protected him. The war was hard on us all, and I have no doubt that it was very hard on poor Tenzō. Believe it or not, Kakashi, that man needs you just as much as you need him. The war ravaged this land and this people, don’t allow it to keep you both from the happiness you deserve.”

As the memory faded, his mind slowed towards sleep. Even in his memories, Gai was looking out for him. The memory had reminded him exactly why he was wandering the land in search of Tenzō.

“Tenzō.” He whispered mournfully, feeling the cold blanket of loneliness fall over him as he gripped the pillow tighter.

Dragging the thin covers over his body, he pulled himself into a ball and soon fell asleep. As usual, his dreams were filled with images of war and he slept fitfully. By morning the covers would be on the floor and he would be a tangled mess in the centre of the bed. But it didn't matter. For after the dreams of war, came the dreams of the man he had lost. Kakashi would gladly suffer nightmares for the rest of his life, if only to live in the dream of being with Tenzō again.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Lelle for all the support she has given me! Her words make me want to write faster XD And of course Sam, for believing in me. :D Glad you all seem to be enjoying this. :)

He had covered many miles in his travels and met many people, yet he had never felt like he belonged in any place. No matter how kind or decent the people of a village or town might be, Tenzō never felt that he was truly accepted. This was the reason he never stopped wandering. Searching for that one place he could feel at home.

Perhaps he was always destined to be alone, a shadow that merely showed in the corner of the eye and quickly forgotten. He felt that this was exactly what he had become. An insubstantial darkness that no one took real notice of or worried when it was not visible. Once it had been useful to be a shadow, especially helpful in missions in which concealment was key. But when there were no missions or people to hide from, being a shadow was nothing but a punishment for being who he was. He had never been shunned, was always welcomed wherever he stopped at. But there was no peace for him in the strange villages and towns. No true acceptance. Peace it seemed, was elusive and rare.

It had taken him two years to realise that the peace he sought, was to be found in the very solitude that had once threatened to drive him insane. This was the reason he eventually turned his back on all society. The only time he now stopped in a place was for food or necessities. Leaving people behind, he wandered aimlessly through the land, enjoying his own company. For all it was worth.

The only thing that he took from his past was his name. He had chosen to be known as Tenzō, as it was the only name that had ever really meant something to him; a name explicitly his own. It had been given to him with love, not as a codename to hide behind. Kakashi had continually called him that, though Tenzō would often berate him for doing so in front of others.

Somehow the fact that Kakashi always used that name meant more to him than anything. In a way, refusing to call him by a codename showed how much Kakashi had cared for him. It had made him feel like a person, not a weapon. Perhaps that was what Kakashi had intended; showing his love in the only way he could. Not one to disclose emotions easily, possibly this was the only way Kakashi had been able to show his love. But it changed nothing. The silver haired nin had effectively shunned him in the end. Like they all had.

_Kakashi._

No matter how much time passed or how many miles he put between them, Kakashi was never far from his thoughts. He was the only reason that Tenzō might have stayed in Konoha, yet he had but one regret in having left there. He never regretted his decision to leave and he had only returned twice. Once to make sure that Kakashi had survived the war, and the second to see how the people and younger ones had fared. Regardless of what he thought of the place, he still cared enough to know that everyone was safe.

Using his seldom rivaled talents to conceal himself, he had found Kakashi in the Hokage's office, wearing the cloak that identified him as the Sixth Fire Shadow. It came as no surprise to Tenzō, Kakashi deserved recognition for all the sacrifices he had made for the village. But sadness tinged the pride he'd felt, seeing the weight the position placed upon Kakashi's shoulders. Kakashi seemed worn out, tired and drawn. For long moments Tenzō fought with himself as he contemplated revealing himself, but in the end he decided against it and withdrew from the office. For what good would that have done either of them? Not for one second did Tenzō consider that perhaps the reason for Kakashi's drawn features was because of his own disappearance.

The second time he visited Konoha, he had almost been seen in the woods by Sasuke. The shock of seeing the Uchiha in the forest of Konoha stopped him venturing any nearer to the village. Thankfully, Sasuke had thought his presence was simply a figment of his imagination and had moved on. In that brief encounter, all of Tenzō's misgivings and hurt had blossomed, for here was a man who had gone out of his way to destroy Konoha, yet had apparently been forgiven. Why was it that he himself was so uncared for, when a murdering Uchiha was welcomed back with open arms? It had left him feeling less human than he had before he had arrived. Considering how little he thought of himself before, that was saying something. He left the forest and began his wandering in earnest. Never would he step foot back in Konoha.

The village may have long left his mind, but Kakashi had not. In fact, he had recently began to think of him more often. Occasionally, he thought he even glimpsed the silver haired nin bounding through the trees beside him, or seen him standing just out the corner of his eye. Of course he was not there when he actively looked. He had taken to talking to the illusion when he saw it, chuckling when it dawned on him that he was only talking to himself. But it did ease the loneliness and made him feel alive whenever he thought he saw Kakashi.

His one regret from leaving Konoha was leaving Kakashi behind. Not saying goodbye had been the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. But he knew that Kakashi would have compelled him to stay and he would have lived in unvoiced misery. Sometimes he wondered if he had been too quick to judge Kakashi, for deep down he was sure that Kakashi had loved him, once. He doubted that Kakashi even thought of him now, for if the tables were turned, Tenzō knew he would be bitter and attempt to wipe him from his mind. Kakashi would be better off with someone else. But the very thought of his love with another was enough to nearly throw Tenzō over the edge into a pit of despair. He could not allow that, he had suffered enough with what he knew, never mind what he did not.

His travels this night took him through a small village, but it was the trees at the edge of it that he headed for. Hearing the lively laughter coming from the local tavern, he smiled. Once upon a time, he had enjoyed nights such as the people there were having. He missed that. Despite all the feelings of never really fitting in, those were the times he felt he truly belonged. Surrounded by others, friends he supposed he should call them, laughing and drinking the nights between missions away. The only other time he felt that he truly belonged was when he was with Kakashi.

Being held in the arms of the only man he had ever loved made him feel alive and cherished. The way Kakashi would look at him burned through to his soul. The way Kakashi touched and held him made his spirit burn, igniting a passion in his heart that threatened to consume him. Kakashi made him feel special, made him feel loved. This, he truly missed.

He shook his head and continued walking, trying to quell the sudden burning in his heart. The passion and love was still there, but all it did was cause him pain. He pushed the feelings aside and made for the trees. He would quite easily find refuge in their strong branches. A loud bang sounded and he stilled: years of shinobi training stopping his movement in reflex. It was a drunken patron leaving the tavern who had slammed the door behind him. Tenzō watched as the bedraggled drunk made his way back home, nearly laughing out loud at the spectacle before him. But the laughter died in his throat when his mind decided to trick him again.

He saw a man as inebriated as could possibly be, stumbling all over the place as he wiped a hand through a familiar shock of silver hair. The illusion angered him. He was sure his mind had conjured up and projected the image onto the drunkard because of his recent musings. He felt his anger flare and fought to conceal it, no one need know he was there, especially not a drunken stranger. Tenzō watched in fascination as the man stumbled and fell against the wall of the house he was passing and for a split second, he was sure he detected the familiar strong chakra signature of the man he loved. The man was so like Hatake Kakashi that Tenzō nearly called out his name. Yet it could not possibly be him. The man righted himself and looked to where Tenzō had stood but a fraction of a second before.

Knowing to move to avoid detection was second nature to Tenzō and his body had moved almost of its own volition when he knew the man would look towards him. Hiding in the shadow of a darkened doorway, Tenzō could not help but continue to watch the drunk man. He was dressed in black slacks with a scarf over his face. Or was it a mask? Tenzō wasn't quite sure at that distance. He was so like Kakashi that he almost stepped out of the shadows and moved towards him.

He stopped himself when the man bumped into a door, produced a key and fumbled with the lock. No, it wasn't Kakashi. His one time lover would never be seen in such a state. In fact, he would never get into such a state to begin with and so this had to be a trick of his mind. When the paralytic stranger entered the rented room and slammed the door behind him, Tenzō chuckled and continued on his way toward the trees. He was going insane, slowly and surely.

The trees were as high and solid as he knew they would be, perfect in which to create a modest shelter. The precious few times he now used his Mokuton were to construct shelters. Depending on how much he liked an area, a shelter could be made and last him a month. But more often now, the shelters he made were only used for one or two nights before he moved on.

He climbed two thirds of the way up the largest tree. Undecided as to how long he would stay, he made a simple shelter; he could always expand on it if he wished. Whispering, he placed his hands on the thick trunk and his shelter for the foreseeable future grew around him. It was simple in its design, he spent little energy or imagination on something he would leave behind to rot. Once, he had taken great satisfaction in making grand creations. Multi floored housings with remarkable detail had been his joy. Now, he found little pleasure in creating something that he would leave soon after he had made it. Sometimes this made him sad. The one thing he loved about his Mokuton was the beauty he could create with it.

When he had completed the bare shelter, he took one last look out at the sky above. The stars were shining, the moon bright. The trees he had chosen reminded him of the strong forest of Konoha and on such a bright night as this, it made him feel melancholic. With a sigh he unpacked his well used bedding and spread it on the flat surface he had made for his bed. Resting his head on his lumpy pillow, he pulled up his threadbare covers and closed his eyes.

He thought of the silver haired drunken man. Even if it had been Kakashi, Tenzō knew he would have been unable to face him. He did not know what he would say to Kakashi if he ever met him again. He had no idea how he would react to any hurt or hatred he might be met with in the eyes of the man he loved.

As his tired mind lazily fluttered through painful memories, sleep claimed him and took him from his grief. That night, he dreamed of Kakashi. He dreamed of a day they might be together and of the fierce love that had once shone from his lovers eyes.

It was the best sleep he had enjoyed in many months.

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Kakashi woke up to discover that the sun had already risen and was high in the sky. Perhaps the reason he didn't suffer hangovers was simply because he slept long enough to shake them off. Reaching to push the covers from him, he found that they had already fallen on the floor. No doubt during one of the more graphic nightmares he was forced to suffer recently. He felt angry with himself for having slept so long. Such a waste of precious hours that he could have spent searching for Tenzō.

It was time that he stopped behaving like an idiot, getting drunk in every town. The ritual had started as a theme for his journey, dreamed up by Gai in another of his mad-capped ideas. The thinking behind it was to imprint every place he had visited on his mind, so that he could tell Gai of every detail of his travels when he returned home. But Kakashi realised that it had slowly become little more than a way to drown his sorrows. No longer. Last night would be the last time he would get so wasted. No longer would he fight his ghosts with the demon liquid.

After getting himself dressed, he packed what little belongings he had brought with him. There was little point in searching the village as he already knew Tenzō was not there. If he had passed this way there would be a sign. There was always a sign; an empty shelter, a strange formation of foliage that exuded a distinctive chakra scent. There had been none of those when he had searched the village before going to the tavern the night before. There were no signs of Tenzō at all and so he accepted that this was one place he had not passed through.

Pulling the large map from his backpack, he placed a mark over the village. The worn and fragile paper was covered in little ink crosses, showing how far he had searched for Tenzō. He had traversed almost the entire area that the map covered and had found little to show where Tenzō might have gone. Usually he stumbled across an old broken shelter, once a construction of protection, now a hide for animals and birds. Occasionally he would find the remains of a wooden dome that had been hastily constructed in panic, then left to rot. When he thought he might be on Tenzō's track, the trail would quickly run cold. As if Tenzō had never existed. Which, Kakashi knew, was the exact intention.

It was unsurprising that the trail was cold, really. Tenzō had been gone for a little over two years. Of course it was never going to be easy to find him, especially with the man's abilities. It was like tracking a ghost. Kakashi himself had once been a ghost and knew every trick in the book when it came to being unseen and untraceable. Tenzō had learned by the same book. They had grown up together in ANBU and shared experiences and knowledge. If he knew the tricks, it was certain that Tenzō knew the same and it would be next to impossible to locate him. Not for the first time, Kakashi thought about giving up. Had Tenzō wanted him to follow, surely he would have left something to guide him? Not a word nor a sighting of him in over two years. That would be statement enough for any one. But not to Kakashi.

The way that Tenzō had left had showed how betrayed and angry he had felt. But the fact that he had never returned showed Kakashi that Tenzō had lost himself. It was easy to lose oneself in misery, and it often clouded the mind and judgement. He was sure that the man he had loved for so long would never purposely leave without some point of contact. Or perhaps he had read their relationship all wrong and Tenzō never loved him like he thought. A voice in the back of his mind told him that was nonsense. Even Gai had seen how much Tenzō had loved Kakashi. A person would have to be blind not to see that. Which told Kakashi that Tenzō was indeed lost in himself. If this was the case, he desperately needed rescuing, even if Tenzō himself did not recognise the fact.

This was the reason Kakashi put the map back into his backpack and made to leave the village. He would search for Tenzō until his body gave up and he could search no longer. He had a long way to go before that happened. Barely thirty five years old, Kakashi had many years to go before his body became so worn that he could not continue his search. No matter how battle scarred his body was, he would push it to its limits if only to catch a mere glimpse of Tenzō. Kakashi had been given the chance to let his ghosts go, had been given the chance to forgive and be forgiven for all the mistakes he had made in his life. Tenzō was Kakashi's final ghost.

In his days in office, he had little time to think about what had happened between them. Pulling the village back from the brink of disaster and rebuilding their home had been no easy task. There had been little time to read his favourite books, never mind dissect a broken relationship to find out why it had failed. Then the village hidden in the leaf had grown back stronger than before and the world was right again. But for Kakashi It never would be. Not without Tenzō.

In his travels he had come to understand a little of how Tenzō must have viewed his life. A stolen child, used and abused by three powerful Konoha shinobi, the maltreatment of Tenzō's trusting soul had been horrific. Kakashi hoped that tearing him from Root had gone some way to heal Tenzō's broken spirit. Perhaps it had given him a better life than he had been used to. In those early days, it was clear that Tenzō was socially awkward, having been shielded from true human contact all his young life. At times he was gullible and even up until he left, Tenzō had managed to harbour a happy innocence that belied his shinobi heritage. That innocence was the first reason Kakashi had fallen for him. It was a fresh contrast to his own dark soul and Tenzō had lit up his life like no other person ever had. He hoped that Obito's final betrayal had not broken that beautiful part of Tenzō, he was not sure that was something he would be able to forgive.

It really was little wonder that Tenzō had left. Having fallen afoul of three Konoha madmen, it was no surprise he did not want another to find him. But Kakashi believed that Tenzō deserved peace as much as they all did. If he could track him down, he would help him find that peace.

After handing back the keys to his rented accommodation, Kakashi walked out into what he found to be a beautiful, hot sunny day. It lightened his dampened spirits somewhat and he deeply breathed in the warm fresh air. Sighing, he set off down the road that led past the forest on the outskirts of town. Three young boys and a girl ran passed him and he smiled at hearing their gleeful cries and laughter. They ran on ahead of him, jostling each other for the lead.

“Come on! It's up here!”

“You better not be lying Aki, it wasn't there yesterday!”

“I'm not!”

“If it isn't there, I’m so gonna punch you.”

“Honestly! Wait, you'll see! It's just like a real treehouse!”

Kakashi's heart stalled in his chest at the words and he quickly followed the excited children. Hiding himself in the foliage below, he waited for them to lose interest in the structure. They left after only an hour of energetic play: hunger winning out to fun. When the children's voices faded and he knew he was alone, Kakashi quickly ascended the tree with the grace and speed of a cat.

His throat was dry, his heart hammering in his chest and his stomach churned with excitement that he had not felt in a long time. There, hidden in the branches as if it had always been part of the tree, was one of Tenzō's shelters. He stared at it for a long time, remembering that the young boy had said the structure had not been there the day before. Raising a hand, he ran his fingers over the wood of the doorway, feeling a tingle from chakra infused within the wood. He gasped as he felt the fire of recognition flow like lightning through his body; chakra reacting to beloved chakra. Tenzō had been here, very recently.

He cursed himself and sat in the centre of the shelter, amazed that after all of this time he had only missed Tenzō by the hours he had lain in a drunken stupor. Laying back, he put his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. So fresh was the build that the space was filled with an earthy fragrance. It smelled of Tenzō.

In the thick wood above him, his eyes fell upon the only ornate piece of the whole construction. It was a tiny, but perfectly formed knot in the wood that protruded out from the ceiling. The face of a shaggy haired wolf gazed down at him with one impassive eye. The other was closed, deliberately dissected by a fault line in the wood.

At first he could not comprehend what he was seeing, too scared to believe what his terrified mind was screaming at him. That one, tiny carving, was the all the sign that Kakashi needed to keep searching. Tenzō had always called him his wolf. In fact, the carving was almost identical to the one he had left back in his home. Tenzō had made it for him a long time ago  and proudly handed it to him for his birthday one year. A perfectly proportioned, delicately detailed, sitting wolf. The face that looked down on him was the same on that cherished statue.

It meant that Tenzō had not forgotten him. He still thought of Kakashi and that sign, as small and insignificant as it may seem, was enough to bring him to his feet and tear out of the trees.

Using all of the senses at his disposal he restarted his search. He pushed out his chakra, used his keen nose to smell out a trail and ran as fast as his legs would carry him. Perhaps he might find Tenzō before nightfall, perhaps by tomorrow he could at last hold his beloved and ask for his forgiveness. Perhaps his search was over.

_I’m coming, Tenzō. Wait for me._

  
_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be a few days I think, as it isn't yet written XD Thanks for the kudos and comments!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive thank you for all the support! Comments and kudos are cookies to my dragony soul! Glad you are enjoying it!

Tenzō swam lazily in a large expanse of clear water. Its temperature had been pleasantly warmed by the heat of the sun that burned brightly above. The water soothed his aching body and eased the pain from his tired joints. Recently he had travelled far longer distances between stops than usual. His body began to protest against the strain. Even his chakra levels were dipping and so he decided to stay in the area for a few days. The land surrounding the lake was wild and untouched: a beautiful private haven. So far from any village or town, he was almost guaranteed to be left alone and undisturbed.

Turning fluidly in the water, he swam for the shore feeling refreshed and relaxed. As he sat on the pebbled bank, he dried his body and pulled on his dark blue slacks. Water dripped from his hair down his bare back and chest, cooling his skin as the sun continued to beat down. He wrung the water from his hair, swept it back, then got to his feet. If he was going to spend some time here, he would need somewhere to sleep.

He chose a spot in a grassy area close to the bank. A simple motion of hand signs and a touch to the ground created a shelter more robust than the one he had left in the last village. A dome-like structure, it was tall enough to move around in, but not so large as to seem out of place. The entire object was created by many tightly twisted branches, adding to its natural appearance. Fresh leaves opened from tiny jutting stalks, covering the dome in luscious greenery. Inside, he had created a far more comfortable bed that he usually did and layered the floor with planks of smooth pale wood that seamlessly merged with the wall of the dome.

He stood back to evaluate his handiwork and smiled; it was perfect. His stomach growled loudly, so he took some of his rations and sat by the lake. Content to just be still for a while, he enjoyed listening to the various sounds of wildlife as he watched the hypnotic movement of the water. Time passed by unnoticed and only when the air cooled substantially was he pulled from his reverie. As the sun began to set, he built a fire to keep warm. He lay himself down beside it and watched the colours of the sky move through a myriad of blues and yellows until it deepened into a dark indigo flashed with purple. With his hands tucked comfortably behind his head, he watched as familiar constellations were revealed as light gradually faded from the sky. In those tranquil moments, it was as close to peace as he had ever felt.

Long before night had fully darkened the sky, a heavy blanket of sleep had fallen over Tenzō. As the fire continued to burn brightly beside him, Tenzō dreamed of his past. People he had loved and lost haunted his dreams, as well as curious strangers that danced through his mind. A woman with large dark eyes held her arms out for him as a man looked on with the proudest smile. Perhaps one day he would recognise them as the family he had forgotten.

But the dreams quickly took a vicious turn, becoming nightmares from which he could not waken. Soon he was fighting horrors that he had lived through, some more recent than others but all of them frightening. Some were not even fully formed memories. They were merely fractions of seconds captured by a mind that had flitted in and out of consciousness when captured. Whereas others were pure fantasy born from a real memory, and these were the most terrifying of all. As a crescent moon rose in the sky, he shivered in his sleep despite the warmth of the fire.

Trapped within the body of a great tree, he found himself staring up at a mindless living clone of the very man whose cells resided within Tenzō's own body. No struggling could release him from his imprisonment beneath the great clone and he yelped as it moved its head to look at him.

  _You are nothing compared to me._

 In his mind Tenzō thrashed his body in an attempt to escape. In reality, he twitched and shuddered by the fire as low moans sounded in his throat. The nightmare changed and he found himself in a dark forest. He sensed something hunted him, yet he did not know what. A massive chakra invaded his senses and like a terrified deer he ran, his heart threatening to burst in his chest. The chakra moved swiftly and soon overtook him and he skidded to a halt to gaze up at a towering snake. As a blood red tongue flicked from its mouth, the features of the snake changed, morphing to become the face of the man who had ruined his life; Orochimaru. The monstrosity coiled its enormous serpentine body and hissed.

 “Sweet child...you can never escape me...”

 Just as the snake was about to strike, Tenzō awoke and sprang to his feet. Momentarily disoriented, his wide eyes scoured his surroundings for danger. He gasped as the last vestiges of the nightmare disappeared and for long moments he just stood there, calming his thoughts and breathing.

Then he was moving.

His body flowed easily through intrinsic patterns of ingrained training. Closing his eyes, he continued his impromptu workout, the intricate motions second nature and his body welcomed them. He fought the specters of his nightmares in reality, punching and kicking the air around his camp as he leaped and twisted effortlessly. His motion was wraith-like, swift and preternatural. Bloodlust flowed through his veins like fire as his muscles burned and flexed delightfully. So long had it been since he danced the death waltz, yet he danced it as if his life depended on it. Had he weapons in his hands, they would surely hit a person with deadly accuracy. Even without his weapons, Tenzō was as lethal as he was elegant. His entire body was as deadly as any shuriken or kunai ever made.

He _was_ a weapon. One of the deadliest.

His hands moved swiftly and he bowed once to plant them on the soft ground before leaping away and moving again. Deadly spikes burst from the spot his hands had touched, creaking loudly as they rapidly grew out of the earth. He repeated the actions many times, but as his mood lightened, the nature of the constructions changed. No more lethal spikes grew from the ground, but what did, was simply beautiful. His creations blossomed forth from the earth and he danced between them without a care in the world. Tenzō laughed joyfully as he created wooden sculptures with perfectly exquisite details. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he delighted in his Mokuton.

Not until he he was panting hard and his chakra became considerably depleted, did he stop to look upon that which he had created. He stood before the fire and stared with satisfaction at the wooden structures around him. From small animals to tall delicate flowers, the range of his artistry was vast. But it was his final creation that took him by surprise.

A large wooden wolf stared at him through the flames of the fire.

The flickering of the flames created the optical illusion that the solid figure was breathing. Just when he felt he had found some peace, he created an image that reminded him of Kakashi that dragged his soaring spirit back to earth. Why he tortured himself, he did not know. Tenzō stared at it, mesmerised by the trick of the fire light. Its one open eye gazed at him from beneath a heavy eyelid. Tenzō could not take his eyes from it.

Moments later he had no choice but to look away as he sensed something behind him. The presence was shielding its identity, an action that immediately put Tenzō on edge; concealment meant intended treachery or harm. He spun on his heels and quickly moved away from the fire, hoping to hide in the shadows.

He cursed the fact that he had lost himself in a meaningless exercise that had drained almost all of his heavily depleted chakra. Already he felt the dragging pull towards collapse which would have been fine if he had been left to rest. As it was he had used so much of his energy that a prolonged fight was out of the question. He felt the void of depleted chakra within him and knew that he would be unable to use his mokuton to defend himself. To use it might drain him enough to kill him. A shinobi should always be alert, always ready, but the war was over and the lands were at peace. But that did not mean that evil still did not lurk in the darkness. He had been foolish to believe that he had been safe enough to waste his energy, and now he would face the consequences of his lack of judgement.

From the cover of a small bush, he watched a shadow appear just out range of the firelight. It was the shape of a tall man, getting to his feet. How long had he been there? Tenzō moved, low to the ground and in silence, hoping to get behind the stranger and spring a surprise attack. But it was he who was surprised when the man turned to look straight in his direction, seeming to know exactly where Tenzō was hiding. A vast chakra pushed towards him and Tenzō jumped to his feet and made to escape it. In a split second the man was close enough to harm him, seeming to simply appear within a stride behind him. Tenzō cursed his recent lack of awareness. His death dance, would ultimately prove to be his undoing.

In panic, his hands began to form seals before his brain even caught up with what he was doing. He was turning towards the fast approaching man when the mokuton burst from his hand, sucking the final reserve of chakra from his body. The wooden spike he had been creating would surely have skewered his attacker, but it snapped back into his own body as his chakra dropped to a level that could barely sustain him. The world tilted around Tenzō, and he fell towards the ground without making a sound.

He sensed the man speed towards him and accepted the fact that this was his end. But instead of a killing blow, he felt strong arms grab him and gently lower him to the ground. One arm gripped him tightly as the hand of the other tilted his head upwards.

“Tenzō!”

His name was spoken with concern, and through half shut eyes he thought he saw Kakashi staring down at him with a look of panic and worry. But it could not possibly be.

Darkness tinged his vision as his name was shouted above him and his shoulder shaken roughly. The voice was strangely muted as his mind slowed, but he could not help but smile at the thought of Kakashi.

Suddenly he felt himself wrenched into the air, held firmly in the arms of the man who looked so like his lover it was cruel. He was carried into his domed shelter and laid gently upon the bed. The light from the fire outside softly lit the interior with a flickering glow that cast deep shadows around them. But his dark eyes could see things well enough. His head lolled to the side and his half-closed eyes saw his companion sit back on his heels to stare at him. Raising a hand, the man swept back the hair that had fallen over Tenzō's cheek, a look of longing and fear on his face.   
  
_Is this real? Is this really Kakashi?_

No matter how he tried, he could not move or even fully open his eyes; all he could do was stare while his mind continued to slowly tire. The man leaned in close, his face mere inches from Tenzō's own. He could see the scar that crossed his left eye, but the sharingan was not present. Instead, two charcoal coloured eyes gazed into his own and they burned with the intensity of Kakashi's. Tenzō’s exhausted mind fought against what his eyes were seeing,  sure it was simply another trick. But when he felt soft lips press gently to his forehead, he breathed in the scent of the man and instantly he knew it was really was Kakashi.

“...senpai…” the weakly whispered word rose up between them and Tenzō watched as a relieved smile broke upon Kakashi’s anxious face.

“Shhhh, Tenzō. Rest. I’ll watch over you.” Kakashi smiled more brightly as he fondly ruffled the hair on Tenzō’s head.

Tenzō’s  eyes unfocused, eyelids fluttering closed, and he drifted off towards oblivion. But he felt safe in the knowledge that Kakashi was with him. He did not want to think what might happen or be said when he woke up again, it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered to Tenzō at that moment in time, was that Kakashi had cared enough to come and find him.

 

_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be a few days as due to work I can't work on it. As soon as it is written, I will get it uploaded!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes it took longer than I intended to post this chapter and I apologize. I wanted to convey so much yet my mind wasn't allowing the words to flow. But it is finally here XD Massive thanks to Sam as always! And to Lelle, I really hope you enjoy this one :D

Through the dark hours of night, Kakashi did not waver in his silent watch over Tenzō. Never closing his eyes, he spent the time in constant amazement that he had finally found him. He was content to be in the same room, happy to see him alive and well, not truly believing his search was finally over. He could not help but stare at him; as if Tenzō was a figment of his imagination that would disappear in the blink of his eyes.

He noted the tan of Tenzō's skin, evenly darkened from having spent so much time outdoors in the elements. He appeared to have changed very little since Kakashi had last seen him. Perhaps a little leaner with a few more scars to mar the skin of his chest and arms. Small laughter lines now creased the corner of his eyes, though he was still as fresh faced as he had been when they first met. But he also saw dark circles beneath Tenzō's eyes that made him look drawn and tired. Kakashi was sure they were not just a result of chakra exhaustion. The weight of Tenzō's mental anguish was plain to see. Kakashi wished he could lift that heavy burden from his friend’s mind.

Kakashi was well aware that there would be more to fixing this relationship than just turning up to say hello. He had long came to the conclusion that finding Tenzō was only the first hurdle in a long, hard road to peace. In the time he had been gone, Tenzō suffered under the delusion that no one cared for him. That would be enough to twist anyone’s mind.

Perhaps now that he had found him, Kakashi could help Tenzō begin to heal. But he worried about what might happen next. His driving desire in the past several months had simply been to find Tenzō. He hadn’t put much thought into what could lay ahead. He realized that Tenzō might not accept or welcome his help. But what he feared most was the possibility that Tenzō no longer loved him.

Much like Kakashi, Tenzō was a fiercely private man. He was also a deeply emotional man who took everything to heart. Kakashi knew this, yet he had paid little attention to how he treated him. It was obvious now that Tenzō had felt the bitter sting of every shrug of the shoulders or wrong word said. There were nights he had up and left in the middle of the night, leaving Tenzō to wonder where he had gone. And there were days in which Kakashi ignored him while focussed on his own guilt and grief. He saw it now, and it hit him hard. He had unwittingly treated Tenzō with the same disrespect that others had.

Kakashi mentally shook himself and pushed the thoughts to the side. He could not change the past, but he could mould their future. He just hoped that Tenzō still harboured some feelings for him. If he did, Kakashi would endeavour to give him a life and a love that Tenzō had never experienced before. If he would allow him.

The night took a cold turn and even Kakashi, fully dressed, felt the coldness seep steadily into his bones. He pulled the spare blanket from his discarded backpack and covered Tenzō's shivering body.

The fire outside had begun to die, it's heat diminishing along with its light. Kakashi went outside to stoke it and add more fuel. When the fire was once again burning brightly, he yawned and stretched out his tight muscles. His speedy travels during the day were beginning to affect him, but he would not fall asleep; his promise to Tenzō at the front of his mind.

The light from the fire was cast upon the various sculptures scattered around the area and as Kakashi took a seat by the fire, he looked at them all in turn. A stalking fox, hiding in the grass. A huge eagle with feathers so delicate it looked as if it could take flight at any moment. Tall, blossoming flowers of different genus opened to the night sky. The wolf, sitting close to the fire and gazing past the flames as if caught in a daydream. So many beautiful creations, made from a skill that their creator despised. It pained Kakashi to know this, and yet when he had watched Tenzō create the sculptures, he had seen unbridled joy on his face.

The reason Kakashi had hidden himself and his chakra from Tenzō, was because he wanted to enjoy that moment and fully commit what he saw to memory. The sight of Tenzō, silhouetted against the light of the fire in beautiful hard lines, then witnessing his spirited dance of creation had been utterly spellbinding. It was also the happiest that Kakashi has seen Tenzō in a long time. His heart had swelled within him as Tenzō’s gleeful laughter echoed in the air and he would have loved to join him. He had no wish to interrupt such a stunning spectacle. To announce his presence would surely have ended the joyous moment instantly. But he had made a mistake simply by hiding himself.

He knew the moment Tenzō had fled that he had made an error in judgement. While explaining himself would have been reason enough to run after him, it was not the driving factor that made Kakashi give chase. He had sensed something was wrong immediately and his fears were confirmed when he pushed his chakra forward to identify himself. He detected how very low Tenzō's chakra levels had fallen. His own fear had driven him to run after him, knowing that within moments he could lose Tenzō forever.

The quickest way to end the chase was to teleport beside him, but Tenzō had always been fast on his feet and Kakashi appeared too far behind. He called out his name but the fleeing man had not heard. When Tenzō had turned, Kakashi saw the blind panic in his eyes. When he realized what was happening, it had almost stopped Kakashi’s heart. He'd seen Tenzō in such a state only once before. And he had almost lost him then, too.

On a mission years before, Tenzō had fallen victim to a chakra consuming poison some hours before their team was attacked. With chakra disappearing quicker than it could be replaced, Tenzō had panicked during the fight and it nearly cost him his life. As if time was being repeated, Kakashi has seen the same terrified look on Tenzō's face earlier as he had hastily used his mokuton.

It was clear to Kakashi now that Tenzō had evidently been failing before he found him. He wondered if the man had any clue as to how close he came to dying. Or if he even cared. That thought terrified Kakashi despite knowing that Tenzō was sleeping safely in the shelter. Tenzō knew as well as anyone just how dangerous it was to use chakra to the point of exhaustion. Not for the first time, Kakashi wondered if what he was seeing were signs that Tenzō's mental health was worse than he initially imagined. No matter if this was the case, Kakashi was determined to help Tenzō any way he could. He owed him that much.

He stoked the fire once more then got to his feet and went back to the shelter. The light of the fire once again lit the interior and he could see Tenzō continued to sleep peacefully. He sat down on the smooth floor and pulled a book from his pouch. It was well loved and worn, the pages yellowed and creased from use. He sat there for the remainder of the night, content to read his favourite book as he listened to Tenzō's steady breathing.

As the first rays of the newly rising sun began to filter into the shelter, Tenzō mumbled in his sleep.

“...no...don't...”

Kakashi frowned as he looked to Tenzō, wishing he could stop whatever nightmare he was suffering. Nightmares were common with anyone who had dealt with death as much as they had. When they were together, neither of them suffered them quite as severely as they did when they were apart. Since Tenzō left, Kakashi's own nightmares had come back to haunt him in nights filled with horrors he had witnessed through the years and so, it seemed, had Tenzō’s.

He made his way over to sit by the now fitfully sleeping man. He folded his arms on the edge of the bed and rested his chin upon them to watch Tenzō carefully. Nightmare aside, Kakashi took heart that the whispering and new movement in Tenzō's body meant that he was pulling through. It would be days before Tenzō was fully recovered, perhaps more, but this was a good sign.

The nightmare worsened and Kakashi moved to curl his fingers tightly around Tenzō’s trembling hand. Tenzō's body twitched as his eyes rolled behind tightly closed eyelids. A sheen of sweat dampened his skin as whispered protests escaped his mouth. Kakashi was trying to decide whether or not he should waken him, when the decision was taken out of his hands.

Tenzō's eyes snapped open. He breathed heavily and groaned as the nightmare fled his mind. Kakashi remained perfectly still until Tenzō had a chance to take in his surroundings and calm himself. When the dark eyes alighted upon him, Kakashi felt the breath catch in his chest. Tenzō's eyes held nothing but mistrust and fear. There was no smile to accompany the crinkles in the corner of his eyes, no loving look that Kakashi had hoped to see. Pulling his hand away, Tenzō stared at Kakashi with a coldness that cut through him like a knife.

“Are you okay?” Kakashi asked when he felt sure his voice would not fail him.

As his breathing calmed, Tenzō shook his head minutely, his eyes never leaving Kakashi's face.

“Not really.” He muttered. “Can't move.”

“I doubt you'll be able to for a few days yet.” Kakashi said as he straightened himself. “Do you need anything?”

“No.” Tenzō replied stubbornly.

 _This is going to be tough_ , Kakashi thought as he closed his eyes momentarily. When he opened them again, he found Tenzō staring at him. There was no warmth in his steady gaze, only a barely concealed hatred. Kakashi tried to steel his face, not wanting his features to betray how badly it affected him to see Tenzō look at him with such loathing. It was as if he wished to cause him pain.

Kakashi moved back to his place on the floor and stretched his long legs out before picking up his book and leaning back against the wall. Tenzō remained quiet and turned to look at the ceiling as if he was oblivious to Kakashi's presence. Kakashi knew better than to intrude on his thoughts. He occasionally glanced past his book in order to check on him, hoping that whatever was going through his mind was becoming more positive.

“What are you doing here?” Tenzō asked and Kakashi looked over the top of his book to see that he was staring at him, angrily.

Kakashi closed his book and put it down before folding his arms across his chest. Now, the hard work would begin. He realised how important this first conversation would be and how it would ultimately define their future. He took his time with his reply, wanting the words to be calming and reassuring. But he found he did not know what to say. Everything that he had planned to talk about disappeared from mind in the face of Tenzō's hostility. His mind drew a blank and he ended up blurting out the first thing he thought of.

“I've searched a long time for you.” Kakashi nearly hit himself as the stupid statement left his mouth.

“Why?” Tenzō asked in a bored tone, as if he couldn't care less about the answer.

“To bring you home.”

Tenzō chuckled mirthlessly, shaking his head slightly. “Sure. Because I'm so missed by everyone.”

Kakashi leaned forward, pulling his legs up and resting his elbows on his knees. The conversation was all wrong and he tried to steer it towards a more positive path. “You _have_ been sorely missed. Why would you think otherwise?”

Tenzō chuckled again and slowly turned away. “Why indeed.” He fell silent, his eyes focusing on the ceiling of the dome again.

This was not going well at all. Kakashi got to his knees and moved closer, but Tenzō refused to look at him. “I’ve no idea what has been running through your head all this time, but I can assure you that everyone does indeed miss you. Your absence was noted by everyone in the village. People often ask where you are. They all wonder why you didn’t stay to-”

“Just...leave.” Tenzō whispered.

“No. I didn't-”

“Just leave me alone!” Tenzō shouted.

Kakashi pulled back to his own spot on the floor, a confused frown upon his face. He stared at Tenzō who now resolutely ignored him. Obviously he had said something wrong, but what? He opened his mouth to speak when Tenzō interrupted him.

“Leave me alone, Kakashi.” Tenzō spat the name as if expelling something sour from his mouth.

Kakashi froze at that. Hearing his name spoken by Tenzō was bad enough, but to hear it said with such venom was like a punch to the stomach. For a long moment he just stared, indecision rendering him unable to move. Then, eventually, he got to his feet and walked out of the shelter in a daze.

Pushing both hands deep into his pockets, he walked over to the lakeside and wandered its banks. He thought over his pathetic attempt at conversation and wondered exactly which part had offended Tenzō. Had he missed something or said something wrong? Or was it simply that he had hurt Tenzō so much that he could now barely stand to be in Kakashi's company?

He stooped to picked up a stone then threw it into the lake, watching the ripples that it created in the smooth water. It was then that he understood. Careless words could have far reaching consequences,  much like dropping  a stone into water. The meaning behind words could grow and distort exponentially out of proportion. This was especially so with words that were misunderstood, or left unsaid. In his haste to ensure that Tenzō understood how much everyone had missed him, he had failed to make sure he understood the most important thing of all; that _Kakashi himself_ had missed him. At the end of the day, Tenzō was all that mattered to him, and in the reverse, he was all that mattered to Tenzō. So in Tenzō's mind, everyone could miss him all they wanted, they were not important. But Kakashi _was_.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, angry at himself for being so stupid. The words must have sounded like the same thing Tenzō had heard ad nauseum throughout the years.He strode back towards the shelter, determined to put things right. When he was a few yards from it, he heard a thud from within followed by a groan of pain and he broke into a run. When he stepped through the door he found Tenzō laying on the floor, cursing himself loudly. Kakashi was by his side in an instant. The fact that Tenzō had managed to move at all was nothing short of astonishing, but what little energy he had was evidently not enough to help raise him from the floor.

“Leave me alone!” Tenzō shrieked as Kakashi placed his hands on his shoulders.

He ignored the protest and pulled Tenzō into his arms where he twisted weakly, refusing to look Kakashi in the eye as humiliation burned hotly in cheeks.

“Put me down...just leave me alone!” Then he was looking at Kakashi, so much hatred and hurt burning in those dark eyes that it shocked him to the core.

Tenzō fought some more but Kakashi was not about to let go, not now, not ever. He wanted Tenzō to know how deeply he cared for him, how much he loved and needed him. But Tenzō fought against him with what little strength he had, furious that he could not escape. Kakashi was sure  that if he was able, Tenzo would run again and no amount of searching would ever find him. Tenzō was lost in a cycle of hatred and self loathing and Kakashi was not sure he could break through it to make him understand.

“Tenzō, listen to me. I lo-”

“Please Kakashi! Don't!” All the fight suddenly left Tenzō as he went limp in Kakashi's arms, head hung low as a miserable moan sounded deep in his throat. “Don’t give me false words. I survived the war by believing in false words, living with false hope...I...I can’t....”

“Tenzō.” Kakashi whispered as he pulled him even closer, aching in his heart for the pain that Tenzō must have suffered this long time alone. “I'm sorry.”

As he trembled in Kakashi’s arms, Tenzō began to speak. At first it was whispers that Kakashi could barely make out, but gradually his voice became stronger. His words came in sporadic bursts of speed and it was clear he could not stop what he was saying. It was as if his mind was cleansing itself and would not be stopped until he was purged of the darkness that threatened his sanity. Broken memories came tumbling out in gasped words spat out of his tortured mind in little more than babbling gibberish. It was painful for Kakashi to hear. But in silence he listened as he held Tenzō tighter than he ever had before.

“...I watched them all die...one by one disappearing into darkness...I've always been alone...worthless...he watches me you know...slithering around in the darkness...snakes are such vile creatures....wood burst from my back and my hands, Kakashi, and it made me scream...and they come with things in their hands to do things to me that make me cry...Should I die? No one wants me for me...even the Shodaime hates me, always screaming in my face...I feel blood dripping from my fingers and I feel them all die at my hands...but they’re not my hands, they’re the hands that I am feeding...they all look at me with hatred and all I see are dead eyes...dead eyes staring at me in the darkness...always alone...wandering nowhere...strangers watching me and whispering...hating...I see you...it’s torture...I see you but can’t have you...falling...no eyes...you always scream at me for living...so cold...everyone laughs...laugh at little Kinoe, he knows no better...maybe it would be better if I didn’t exist...but Kinoe existed..."

Tenzō continued his incessant rambling long into the dark of night. Very little of what he said made any sense, but it was clear that whatever nightmares Kakashi suffered in the night, were nothing compared to the nightmare in which Tenzō perpetually lived. How foolish he had been to believe that Tenzō was infallible. How completely blind he had been to his suffering. He had no doubt that being alone all this time had done nothing for Tenzō's state of mind. Perhaps his coming here had been the final straw that broke Tenzō into the pieces Kakashi was currently trying to hold together.

The words continued to pour until Tenzō’s voice was but a hoarse whisper that faded gradually into silence. Kakashi held him long after he had fallen silent and long after his tears had dried. There were no words he could find to comfort Tenzō. He merely rocked him gently as he shushed quietly in his ear. Eventually, he lifted Tenzō back onto the bed and sat beside him. Tenzō's eyes darted back and forth between Kakashi's as if searching for something. He must have found what he was looking for, as he smiled a rare smile that Kakashi could not help but return. Then Kakashi watched as Tenzō blinked rapidly, as if only now awakening from the nightmare. The worry lines eased and the laughter lines creased as Tenzō smiled brightly and his eyes finally seemed to see Kakashi for the first time. He suddenly saw in Tenzō’s eyes that which he had been longing to see; love.

“Kakashi?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you real this time?”

Kakashi’s heart clenched as he pulled Tenzō’s hand to his mouth and kissed it lightly. “Yes, Tenzō, I’m real.”

Tenzō weakly raised his hand to touch the left side of Kakashi’s face. Feeling along the scar with soft touches of his fingers, he looked at Kakashi with wonder. “Oh sweet Kami. You are real.”

Kakashi chuckled lightly, raising a hand to stroke the side of Tenzō’s face. “Yes.” He breathed as tears threatened to fall from his eyes.

“Senpai?”

“Hmm?” Kakashi went to move his hand away but Tenzō caught it in his own trembling hand and pulled it against his chest.

“Will you stay with me?” He whispered as his eyes slowly closed against his will.

“Always.”

  
  
_TBC..._   
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has commented and shown support through kudos and following. I truly appreciate everything! If you haven't seen it, there is cover art for this story on my page :D

The nightmares were getting worse, the hallucinations ever more so. It was like experiencing a waking dream in which his imagination ran rampant. Tenzō moved through reality while his mind continued to experience the nightmare. There were days in which he wasn't even sure he himself was real. It was a confusing state of mind in which he thought he might be the figment of someone else's imagination, only existing because someone else dreamed him. On his worst days, he actually believed this to be true. He felt as if he was flickering in and out of reality; as if he was merely recurring a transient thought. On his more lucid days, he realised how stupid those beliefs actually were and would chastise himself then try to forget the hollow feeling it left him with.

The hallucinations themselves were becoming realistic in a rather disturbing and sadistic way. They tortured him, and forced him to flee the safety of his camp in fear of his life. Running from shadows until collapse was something he had experienced occasionally before, but it was quickly becoming a regular occurrence. Sometimes he ran from Orochimaru, other times Kabuto or Danzo. Even the Shodaime himself. Whoever he imagined was as real to him as the nose on his face. Usually come the morning after, he would find himself curled up in a ball in some patch of grass with no energy to get back to his shelter. Yet last night, he had somehow managed to crawl his way back, though he remembered nothing after his collapse.

Losing his mind was quickly becoming quite frightening. With every realistic hallucination his mind conjured, Tenzō lost a little more of his tenuous grip on reality. These days, he never felt sure if the person he said hello to was real, or if the stranger that smiled at him existed outside his own mind. Last nights hallucination had been the most real and persistent he had ever experienced. He took some solace in the fact it had been relatively pleasant. Imagining Kakashi sitting solidly beside him and speaking as he was real was a pleasing alteration to what he usually imagined. Then again, it had driven him to inadvertently drain his chakra to dangerously low levels. He worried that one day, that might kill him.

His chakra levels were so drained that he almost felt hollow. Sharp pains shot up and down his limbs and it was clear he would be unable to sit himself up never mind bear his own weight. So he lay there, staring at the ceiling, his only entertainment the flickering shadows cast by the fire outside. It struck him as odd that the fire still burned so brightly. He had not attended it since he had built it, yet it burned brightly as if recently fed and stoked. But then, his memory of the past day was so full of holes that maybe he had attended it and forgotten.

By his reckoning, he had lost an entire day. It was dark outside now, yet he distinctly remembered seeing daylight as some point. His memory of those day lit moments was pure fantasy and he could not trust much of what he apparently experienced. He heard the hoot of an owl, followed by the distant screaming bark of a fox. Despite his disablement, he felt safe in this place. That was, until something moved inside the shelter. Fear gripped his heart and he held his breath, trying to ascertain whether the sound was real or imagined. When he heard it again, he realized that whatever made the noise was very close by. In fact, it sounded right beside his bed. His imagination ran riot and he imagined everything from a large snake slithering at the side of the bed ready to strike, to someone ready to attack him. As he was too weak to defend himself, he lay there, utterly terrified.

His breathing quickened, as did his heart. He had to find out what it was and so urged his tired body to move, but it responded painfully slow. He managed to silently turn onto his side and peek over the edge of the bed, only to recoil from what he saw. He drew in deep unsteady breaths as he pulled away from the edge, sure that what he had seen was a continuation from last nights delusion. This scared him as it had never happened before. Usually he woke up and all the spectres of his nightmares were erased until the next time he suffered one. But there, laying on the floor beside his bed as real as his mind could imagine, lay Kakashi. Steeling himself, he looked again to see if he had disappeared, but Kakashi's sleeping form remained there, sprawled out and fast asleep on the floor.

Kakashi lay on his back, one arm draped across his chest while the other was curled up around his head. His fingers were twisted in his silver hair as if he had fallen asleep tugging at it like Tenzō had seen him do in the past. One leg was bent and resting against the bed, the other stretched out in comfort. The ever present mask was ruffled around his neck, exposing his full face. Tenzō watched as Kakashi twitched in his sleep and straightened his head with a sigh. His rarely seen mouth fell open, and soon the shelter was filled with the familiar purr of Kakashi's snore. Tenzō smiled.

_Are you real this time?_

Tenzō refused to believe this was anything more than a hallucination. Too many times had he wished for Kakashi to be with him, only for his imagination to trick him. It gave him what he wanted, allowed him to enjoy the fantasy. But he never enjoyed it too long as his mind would betray him by dragging him back to reality and despair. Kakashi looked so real and so peaceful lying there. He almost believed him to be real this time. Whenever he reached out for a hallucination, it invariably disappeared. He didn't want to reach out this time, didn't want the dream to end. But he knew that it would only bring him heartache in the end, so tentatively reached forward to dispel the illusion, already feeling the heavy weight of loss descending in his heart. Before his fingers had brushed against Kakashi's chest, Tenzō became aware of being observed. Turning his head, he found Kakashi watching him with clear eyes.

“Hey.” Kakashi said softly, unmoving.

Tenzō hesitated, torn between believing his eyes and listening to the doubts in his mind. Kakashi continued to watch him and he reached forward again and pressed his hand to his chest. Kakashi didn't move. He simply watched Tenzō closely. There seemed to be understanding in his eyes, as if he knew why Tenzō held a hand on his chest. Tenzō felt the heat coming from Kakashi's body and the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

“Hey.” Tenzō replied eventually, withdrawing his hand while feeling confused.

Why had Kakashi not disappeared? How cruel his mind was to take the hallucination this far. It was so cruel to torment him like this. Then he almost screamed as he felt the last of his sanity shred itself into many pieces that floated away with every passing moment. He had finally tipped over the edge. He was so immersed in the delusion that everything was now real to him. He had finally cracked and all he did was chuckle, almost relieved that it had finally happened.

Kakashi yawned and stretched himself out. He pulled himself upright and let his legs flop to the sides as he leaned over and stretched out his spine. It cracked loudly and Tenzō winced at the sound though kept staring.

“Are you okay?” Kakashi asked, tugging at his silver hair in an attempt to make it more presentable.

Tenzō laughed as he looked away and turned onto his back. “Yeah, I'm fine. Just going a little crazy apparently.” He flinched when a warm hand touched his own and fingers tighten around in a warm grip.

“I'm real Tenzō.”

Tenzō ignored him for a moment, listening instead to the thumping of his heart that sounded loudly in his ears. “Of course you are.” He sighed, shaking his head ruefully.

Kakashi sighed then pulled himself up against the bed. He let go of Tenzō’s hand then propped his elbows on the edge and rested his chin on them. He stared at Tenzō worriedly. “How can I convince you this is real?” He mused aloud.

Tenzō did not reply. He had no idea how to answer. For too long now, his mind had given him what he wished for, as well as things he did not. No matter what this version of Kakashi said, it would undoubtedly be something his own mind made up. Why would now be any different? Unless of course, Kakashi _was_ real. That thought made his heart quicken and he looked at Kakashi. There was a question he had long mused over, one that he himself had never been able to find an answer for. He longed to know the truth, so if this Kakashi was real, perhaps he would finally know.

“Why did you save me?” Kakashi stared at him, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “After I tried to kill you, what was the real reason you saved me? I wouldn't have blamed you if you had left me to die.”

He watched the confusion leave Kakashi as what Tenzō was asking dawned on him. He sighed loudly and lowered his head, wiping a hand across his eyes. “What does it matter? I saved you, wasn't that enough?”

“I need to know.” Tenzō pressed.

Kakashi got to his feet and walked towards the door. His shoulders hunched as he pushed his hands deep into his pockets. He leaned against the doorway with his back to Tenzō and thought for a moment.

“Tenzō, I have lost many, important people in my life. By the time we had met, I had already lost five of the most precious. My mother, father, Rin, Obito and Minato-sensei. I cared for them deeply though I never showed it. After their deaths, my life was dark, my soul tainted. I lived days on end with no fear of death as who was going to miss me anyway?”

Tenzō looked on with surprise as Kakashi voiced similar thoughts to his own. He never imagined that Kakashi might also harbour a deep seated lack of self respect like himself. He was about to say something when Kakashi spoke again.

“Then I met you and everything changed. We might not have started on the right foot, and yeah, you tried to kill me.” He chuckled at this before continuing. “But I saw in you what I could have been. You were different to me. You held a love for life where I was the opposite. You created where I destroyed. Yet you were on the same dark path that I had walked since a child and I was sure that you would end up the same as me if I didn't do something. I wanted to save you from the darkness I lived through. There was something about you that told me you had more to give this world than I ever could. If I could save just one person, it had to be you. I couldn't let you die. I was already in love with you.”

Tenzō stared at the back of Kakashi's head, barely daring to breathe. That Kakashi felt so little of himself struck a chord with him. But Kakashi had just openly admitted loving him since they almost met. It astounded him and rendered him speechless.

Kakashi turned to look at him and shrugged as he smiled self consciously. “I've always loved you.”

When Kakashi walked back to sit beside him, Tenzō didn't dare move lest the dream be broken. Kakashi pulled Tenzō's hand into his own and toyed with his fingers. “You need to know that I love you and that I have missed you, desperately. I need you in my life, Tenzō. You are not worthless. You are not alone. And I, for one, am glad you exist.”

Tenzō recognized the words he had spoken from the dream the night before. Instantly, memories of floods of tears and the meaningless rant flowed through his mind in a torrent of painful words and shame. Just like every hallucination before, this version of Kakashi was only here to cause him more pain. It hurt him more than all the others ghosts of his imagination, simply because it was Kakashi.

“Could you please just...leave me alone. Have I not suffered enough?”

“Tenzō...”

“Don't call me that. No one calls me that except my senpai and you are not him!”

Kakashi stared at him, his face a picture of shock. His head shook slowly as if fighting with himself over which words to say.

“I am him, Tenzō! I am real and-”

“Get out!” Tenzō roared, unable to continue with the charade.

Kakashi's hand tensed around Tenzō's, gripping it a little tighter before he let go and got to his feet. He looked around the shelter, keeping his face hidden from Tenzō as he stooped to pick up his jacket and backpack. When he did eventually look back, Tenzō saw that Kakashi's eyes were slightly unfocused and his mask readjusted to cover the bottom half of his face. His vacant expression disturbed Tenzō, for it made him feel that he had somehow upset Kakashi. This, of course, was absurd, as Kakashi was not real. Without a word, Kakashi turned and walked out of the shelter and into the darkness.

Tenzō stared at the door for long moments after he left. He half expected him to come walking back in, longed-for him to come back and prove he was real. But he did not return. Tenzō strained his ears to hear footsteps, listening for any noise that might betray a presence outside. But all he heard were the sounds of the gentle breeze blowing through the grass and the crackling of the fire.

_A figment then,_ he thought miserably, devastated once more.

He wasn't sure he could live this way for much longer. Every time he fell into madness, it felt as if he lost another part of himself. The parts he lost were his most treasured; pieces of his heart and soul, destroyed by every damned trick of his mind. Every delusion scarred sweet memories until they were simply hateful reminders of something he had lost and so became despised. Tenzō was quickly reaching his limit. He had already abandoned his old life, detached himself from human contact. No one would miss him if he simply disappeared.

“Hmm, are we thinking this way again?”

The voice came from the other side of the shelter and though he knew who it was that spoke, Tenzō looked anyway. Orochimaru sat in the place where Kakashi had the night before. He had a smug look on his face and watched Tenzō with his awful snake-like eyes.

“How many times have we been through this?” Orochimaru simpered. “Had you just died in the tank, you would not have suffered as you have. I was really doing you a favour when I switched it off.”

Tenzō looked away, gritting his teeth. He had been tormented enough this night and refused to acknowledge this odious vision.

“Yes....You know....that lake seems awfully deep...”

The lake. Cool, inviting, deadly. What if he simply walked into it and drowned? No one would find him. The thought of the cool water taking him away from his misery both frightened and tempted him. He had nothing left to live for except haunted dreams that continued to torment him. His thoughts on the intended path, Orochimaru's hateful laughter filled his mind as the vision winked out of existence, its job complete.

“Kinoe.” He stiffened at the sound of the rough, deep voice that boomed at him from across the shelter. “Look at me, Kinoe.”

Tenzō turned to see the man sitting regally in Orochimaru's place. His stern gaze regarded Tenzō for long moments before the vision spoke again. “Do you remember what I told you?”

“Yes, Lord Danzo.”

“And?”

“That fifty nine others died so that I could exist.”

“Kinoe, cherish your life.”

Tenzō closed his eyes and sighed. How many times had he argued with himself over this? He did not truly believe he could carry out a deed that would end his life. But some days, the suffering was so intolerable, he felt that ending it could be a blessing. When he opened his eyes again, he found that he was alone. As he always had been.

_No,_ he thought, _my life is not mine to take._

Tenzō would continue to fall into madness and wander the land as a wretched thing, until his end came. He just had to get back on his feet and leave behind what little happiness he had felt here. This place was too unspoilt, too beautiful for someone as deplorable as himself. He guessed it was the reason he was tormented by vivid visions of Kakashi. He had become too happy. Happiness, was not his to enjoy, not anymore. Whenever he felt happy, things like this happened. Like a come down from a beautiful high, he invariably fell into a deep despair that saw him question his ability to carry on with this charade of life.

He would carry on. He always did. Come morning, if he was able, he would leave this place and continue his wanderings. He just hoped he would also leave behind the wonderful visions of Kakashi as he was not sure how much more of them he could take.

But tonight he would allow himself to think about the silver haired shinobi, entertain himself with the notion that he had, in fact, been real. He fell asleep with a smile on his lips, and dreamed of Kakashi.

  
  
  
  
  
  
_TBC..._   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to end this story quicker than you might think. But then, I suddenly realized how much I was really enjoying what I was writing. Delving into the human psyche has always been something that I have enjoyed, and this is a rather mild look at the wonderful quirky mind. So, there will be more chapters to come but you will have to give me time to write them. This was actually meant to be the final chapter until I rewrote it today! So yes, it will continue, but it isn't written yet, so expect delays between chapters while I figure out the new direction. :D


	8. Chapter 8

Kakashi sat hunched over his long legs while hiding in tall grass. He hid in a shadowed area, concealed from view, a few yards in front of the shelter. As he absentmindedly tore at blades of grass, his eyes never strayed far from the shelter, or the man who continued to slumber within. Kakashi was oblivious to the bitter cold as he sat there thinking about what had happened some hours before.

When Tenzō had roared at him to leave, Kakashi had been taken aback by the venomous tone, but the look on Tenzō's face was what had shocked him into retreat. Tenzō had glared at him with the cold, hard, murderous stare of an ANBU operative, ready to strike. Kakashi was sure that had he not left, Tenzō would have attempted to attack him. It crushed Kakashi to have seen that glacial murderous glower aimed at him by Tenzō, hurt him in a way he could never articulate. He had turned away to hide his sudden tears but when he did eventually look back, Kakashi had already forced all emotion and thoughts from his mind and donned an expressionless façade, certain that he looked every bit the unfeeling illusion Tenzō thought he was. Then he turned, and left.

Just turning his back on Tenzō had caused Kakashi great anguish, but walking away had left him feeling like he was leaving a man to drown alone. It nearly destroyed him. He had left with the fresh sting of tears in his eyes and an unvoiced cry in his throat. But he didn’t go far, merely walked a few paces outside then teleported to a spot in which he could continue to watch over Tenzō, unseen. As soon as he coalesced, he turned to look at Tenzō, finding the man craning his neck to stare at the door. Then he watched as a myriad of emotions passed over Tenzō's features. Disgust, anger, fear. Hopelessness. That look of complete despair cut Kakashi to the bone. Tenzō looked so dejected, as if he was giving up and was already lost.

The look showed Kakashi a man teetering on the edge of life itself. He had seen it many times before; strong men and women snapping under the weight of their own carefully concealed emotions. He had watched countless strong shinobi descend into madness with the things they had seen and carried out during their career. But what most others had experienced, paled in comparison to what Tenzō had endured throughout his life. Yet Tenzō was one of the strongest of them all. Kakashi never thought he would see the day that he would break. But The Look had been there. It clearly showed Kakashi the current state of Tenzō's mind. Kakashi called it The Look of the Damned: the haunted, helpless look of one who felt that death was their only way out of the hellish nightmare that was their life. There were not many who survived long after that look appeared upon their face. It broke Kakashi’s heart that Tenzō had fallen so far. It angered him that he had no idea how to pull Tenzō back from the brink.

Kakashi was pulled from his thoughts when movement caught his eye. A small fox ran through the space between himself and the shelter. It paused, one foot held off the ground as it sniffed the air and looked around. In the firelight, the animals eyes glinted as they came to rest on Kakashi. They regarded each other for a few moments, until a noise from the shelter spooked the fox. Kakashi's attention snapped back to Tenzō as the fox disappeared into the shadows. Tenzō was talking in his sleep as he twisted in his bed. Earlier while awake, Tenzō had spoken as if someone had been in the shelter with him, now he spoke the same words over again in his sleep.

_Fifty nine others died so that I could exist._

Kakashi wept.

He was not a man known for displaying his emotions, yet he sat there as the night passed by, weeping tears of sorrow that would not stop once they had started. He wept for Tenzō, for his broken mind and heart. He wept for himself and what he had lost. He wept for the pain Tenzō suffered, and for the lost souls the man obviously carried around with him. Despite his vast knowledge and intelligence, understanding the idiosyncrasies of even a normal human mind had never been Kakashi's strong point. To understand the inner workings of a mind as damaged as Tenzō's was far beyond his capabilities and he knew it. Never in all of his years had Kakashi felt so completely useless. So he cried bitter tears, furious at his own inadequacy.

He had been a fool to believe that Tenzō might have expelled his inner demons in a single night. As he wiped tears angrily from his eyes, Kakashi realized that there were no words he could say that might halt Tenzō's steady descent into hell. Even his very presence seemed to throw Tenzō deeper into insanity. There was not a single idea in his head or skill at his disposal that might fix this situation. But he refused to give up. The Tenzō he loved still had to be in there, somewhere. He _was_ in there, Kakashi was certain. He had seen him during the happily lucid few moments from the night before when Tenzō had looked at him and recognized him to be real. But how to reach him?

When his tears had long dried and the tightness in his throat eased, Kakashi looked out over the camp and sighed. He tugged on some more blades of grass and ripped them to shreds in frustration. There was no joy here for him now. The joy he had felt at finding Tenzō had long faded once he discovered just how ill the man really was. The sculptures, though still things of beauty, only reminded Kakashi of the man he was losing. The fragile peace he thought that he and Tenzō might have attained here, was irreparably shattered and lost. The glade was simply another place to be miserable. He lifted his hand and watched the shredded grass fall from his fingers, reminding him of the broken pieces of Tenzō's mind.

Sure that Tenzō had settled again, he reached for his backpack. For the first time, he noticed how cold he felt and pulled the blanket from his backpack. This in turn pulled most other things out along with it. There was his weapons pouch that he carried, just in case. Old habits died hard, especially in a seasoned shinobi. Beneath the pouch lay a bag of dried fruit and nuts, some scrolls, ink and brushes. A large bulging brown envelope lay half out of the backpack. He lifted the heavy packet and turned it in his hands. Kakashi had planned to use its contents to convince Tenzō to return home, but the time to use it was not now. He wondered if there ever would be a time. Tenzō was so lost that Kakashi doubted he would understand the significance of the contents. He looked at the envelope a moment longer before placing it carefully back inside the bag.

He pulled the blanket around his shoulders and got himself comfortable, but he had no intention in sleeping. Years of long ANBU missions left Kakashi with the ability to stay awake and motionless for many hours. Tenzō would be none the wiser of his presence should he waken.

Kakashi spent the remaining dark hours thinking of ways he might be able to help Tenzō. Hundreds of ideas whirred through his mind, none of which he felt would do any good. He could drag Tenzō home, kicking and screaming and force him to get help. But he knew that Tenzō would never forgive him, might even possibly kill him on the road there. He thought about sending one of his trusted ninken to bring help, but he knew no one would get close enough to help and Tenzō would only flee again. Every idea he came up with, he shot down in flames. He was the closest to Tenzō now, only he could help him.

But watching the person he loved suffer and quickly succumb to the darkness of his own mind was almost more than Kakashi could handle. He felt powerless, completely useless and yes, more worthless than usual. The situation became more depressing and as morning approached, Kakashi felt increasingly tired and dispirited.

He thought back to the night before; when Tenzō had enjoyed that one fleeting moment of clarity. What was it that had broken the spell for him then? Tenzō had looked at him, touched him, spoken to him. In that moment, Tenzō had surfaced from the gloom and knew Kakashi was real, but why? What had he seen in Kakashi that allowed him some short moments of peace?

_Kakashi? Are you real this time?_

Tenzō had evidently been tormented by visions of Kakashi, so how did he know that he was real last night? The answer eluded him, infuriated him. He had seen Tenzō's eyes clear when his fingers traced the scar on his face as if it verified he was no mere illusion. But his scar was not the reason Tenzō surfaced. He remembered the very moment that Tenzō shook off the hold of his psychosis and broke free of its control. Remembered the love that suddenly burned brightly behind wide dark eyes, watched as the real Tenzō, the man he loved, came back to the world. But why?

_Kakashi? Are you real this time?_

_Will you stay with me, senpai?_

His mind walked him through the scene over and over, relentlessly replaying that precious moment, much to his distress. The answer was there, he just couldn't see it yet.

_Kakashi? Are you real this time?_

_Will you stay with me, senpai? Will you stay with me, senpai?_

_...senpai..._

Kakashi gasped. His eyes widened as his stomach clenched at the magnitude of his epiphany. Could it be that simple? The answer was there, in the subtle change in how Tenzō addressed him. The hallucinations were Kakashi. _He_ was senpai. He had always been senpai, no matter how many times Kakashi had told Tenzō the honorific was not necessary. Tenzō had realized that Kakashi was real and that alone had jogged him from the depths of his own failing mind and pulled him into the light for those short moments. Tenzō did not want to be alone and had been begging Kakashi to stay.

He almost laughed at his realization. He had doubted he could help Tenzō, when all along, perhaps the one thing that Tenzō really needed was Kakashi himself. It was illogical and sounded absurd even to himself, but he had nothing else to work with. His love and presence would not dispel the darkness he was sure, but it might be the light that guided Tenzō from the darkness.

But only if he could convince Tenzō that he was real.

His thoughts turned sombre again and he grimaced. He should not have left Tenzō earlier. As he remembered the way Tenzō had stared at the door after he had left, it twisted his insides. With this new understanding, he now realized that Tenzō had been watching for him to return. Maybe even wishing he would stride back in and hold him again. When he hadn’t returned, Kakashi was sure all it did was support Tenzō's belief that he was a hallucination. Kakashi wondered if perhaps that had been his one and only chance and worried anew.

As daylight began to break, Kakashi heard a loud yawn from within the shelter. He watched Tenzō roll himself then slip off the edge of the bed onto the floor. His movements were slow and sluggish, but the strength was clearly returning. Kakashi marvelled at Tenzō's apparent ability to bounce back, but it also saddened him. It was clear that Tenzō pushed himself to his farthest limits in order to begin his wandering again, wanting to escape the demons that followed him like dark poisonous shadows. He guessed this was why Tenzō moved around so much; in search of peace.

Now that Tenzō was able to move again, it would be unwise of Kakashi to simply saunter up to the shelter. From now on, everything would have to be on Tenzō's terms, otherwise everything might unfold at the end of a very sharp, very deadly kunai. The snap reflexes of a well trained shinobi were not something to ignore. Tenzō would no doubt endure some lasting weakness for some days to come, but Kakashi was more than sure that Tenzō would be able to gut him in seconds if provoked.

He packed up his bag and got to his feet then brushed his clothes down. Unsure of how to proceed, he simply stood there, waiting on Tenzō to notice him. It didn't take long, for as soon as Tenzō staggered to his feet, he turned quickly, his eyes locking on Kakashi instantly. They stared at each other for long moments and Kakashi felt his heart race, waiting on Tenzō shouting at him again. Then, without a word, Tenzō turned away and ignored him. Kakashi didn't know whether to be relieved or worried at the reaction. But he supposed that no reaction was as good as any.

He walked towards the shelter and dumped his bag in the doorway. Inside, Tenzō was stretching out his body and continued to ignore him. Kakashi leaned against the door and folded his arms. He felt no shame as his eyes roamed over the strong sinewy body before him.

“You shouldn't be here, Kakashi.” Tenzō muttered as he shook out his limbs then sat down on the the bed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“And yet I am. What does that tell you?”

Tenzō sneered as he shrugged his shoulders. “Absolutely nothing.”

“Well, I am here and I won’t be leaving, _Tenzō_.”

Tenzō glared at him, nostrils flaring at the mention of his name. “Whatever. I don't care anymore.” He said after a second, drawing his eyes off Kakashi then sat straight and still, eyes forward.

Kakashi noted that Tenzō would not look at him again. His eyes would move and almost see him before he blinked and stared ahead again. It was as if he was waiting on Kakashi disappearing.

“I think you do care.” Kakashi whispered.

He saw a muscle twitch in Tenzō's upper arm and his hands curl into fists as his eyes darted back and forth. Kakashi readied himself for a sudden attack. Tenzō seemed to be debating what to do, his face screwed up in concentration, fighting within himself. Kakashi saw him grind his teeth and then, he caught the almost invisible sign that Tenzō was about to attack. It was a subtle sign but one that Kakashi knew well; the almost imperceptible twitch of his nose and rapid double blink. But just when he thought the attack would come, it didn't. Instead, he watched Tenzō get to his feet and without even a glance, slip past him and out of the shelter. The tense moment passed, Kakashi let go of the breath he was holding.

Kakashi followed Tenzō as he staggered slowly towards the lake, noting that his left foot dragged a little and his body trembled uncontrollably. But onwards Tenzō walked. Kakashi had to remind himself that it was only almost two days before that Tenzō had exhausted his chakra. It was still unbelievable that the man was already on his feet, but he supposed when you only had yourself to depend on, you just got on with it.

Tenzō eventually stopped on the bank of the lake, slightly out of breath as he looked out over the lake in silence. Kakashi strolled up to stand right beside him, aware that Tenzō was trying to ignore him. He smirked beneath his mask as he pushed his hands into his pockets.

 _You might not want to look at me, but I’m here, Tenzō, and I’m going nowhere,_ he thought as he sighed and looked at the sight before him.

A light mist was suspended over the surface of the lake as the warming air above met with the cool water. Above them, the brightening sky was streaked with light blues and yellows that reflected in the water. Dawn, was Kakashi's most favourite time of the day. He always thought that the Earth was at its most beautiful when the first rays of light brightened the sky and woke the world to a new day.

“Isn't it beautiful?” He sighed and looked to Tenzō.

His question was left unanswered as Tenzō ignored him and made his way into the water. Kakashi had not expected a reply, but it still wounded him. Despite this, he knew that even if Tenzō ignored him for the rest of his life, he was never going to leave him again. He could not bear to live without him or live in a never ending state of flux in which he never knew if the man was alive or dead. As Tenzō swam in shallow lazy circles, Kakashi sat himself down on the pebbled bank and silently made a promise to him.

_If I can protect you, Tenzō , I will. If I can bring you back one day, I gladly will. And if I have to live the rest of my life by your side as an imagined wraith, so be it. I will not leave you again._

Whether Tenzō liked it or not, he had just found himself with a new shadow, one that would follow him to the ends of the earth just for a chance to bring him to his senses. Kakashi would forever protect Tenzō, from the world and himself if need be. No matter if Tenzō screamed at him until he was blue in the face, Kakashi would never again turn his back and leave him. Maybe, one day, he would see the real Tenzō again. That thought alone, made the heartache just that little easier to bear.

  
_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive thank you to Sam, (Blackmajjicduchess) My words were borked and she helped me fix them XD


	9. Chapter 9

A week after exhausting his chakra, Tenzō left the shelter and sculptures to bleach in the sun beside the ash remains of the fire. He would not return, but could not find it within himself to destroy the objects that had gave him happiness for a brief time. He was once again consumed by wanderlust and so packed his belongings and restarted his journey.

Four days had since passed and Tenzō already had travelled many miles with nowhere to go except forward. But he was not alone. It was almost eight days since the persistent hallucination of Kakashi first appeared.

He spent the first two days simply ignoring it, carrying on as if it didn't hound his every step. By the third day it had began to irritate him. Its familiar voice grated on his nerves and he found himself shouting at it to shut up. But, by the seventh day, Tenzō had accepted its presence. He had no other choice; it would not leave him alone.

He found some comfort in its constant companionship, especially with its uncanny resemblance to Kakashi. He especially felt comforted by it in the times when his other hallucinations emerged, for it seemed to somehow empathize with him and attempt to shield him from his darker imaginings. But its constant attempt to convince him that it was Kakashi made him despise it. It only stopped its continual pressure to persuade him when he screamed at it a few days before. He told it that it did not even deserve the name of his senpai. So instead, he took to calling it simply Yōkai.

The name fit the strange illusion, and it never put up a fight against its new name. Tenzō looked upon the thing more as a spirit than anything else now, though he still did not believe the thing to be real. He never once reached out to test that theory, unable to bring himself to touch Yōkai to see if it held any substance. He was scared to even lose the strange spirit. He also felt that if Yōkai disappeared, he himself might also cease to exist.

And so he found himself with a friend the likes he had never known before. Wherever Tenzō went, Yōkai followed. When Tenzō smiled, Yōkai smiled brighter and when he laughed, Yōkai laughed louder. It was a strange relationship. For reasons that Tenzō could not understand, the strange presence of Yōkai grounded him. Whenever he felt fear grip his heart, Yōkai would utter soothing words that calmed him. Whenever the dark nights were filled with terrors, Yōkai would comfort him simply with its presence. For all the times that Yōkai annoyed Tenzō, it helped him even more, which dumbfounded him.

One of the stranger aspects of the friendship was conversing with Yōkai. Tenzō understood that he was actually talking to himself, yet he and Yōkai did talk. They spoke about the weather or where they were going. They discussed places that they travelled through and about people that they met. Whenever Yōkai steered the conversation toward Tenzō's past, he would storm off and ignore it again. But Yōkai was relentless in its passion to engage with Tenzō and it rarely let him out of its sight. It was a tricky spirit indeed. And Tenzō had gotten used to it being around.

Yōkai often complimented the things that Tenzō made with his Mokuton. It pushed Tenzō to make grander shelters and items worthy of its praise. He didn't know why he felt he should entertain a non entity, but he found himself doing it regardless. On occasion he would make something just to see the surprise and delight in its eyes. Perhaps it was simply to entertain himself; being alone could be tedious after all. Maybe that was why his mind decided that he needed a fellow traveller; a last ditch attempt to stop him from going completely insane. But when Yōkai, so very like his dear senpai, smiled with amazement at one of his creations, Tenzō felt alive.

Time passed. Days and nights blur into one. Tenzō mapped the hours of a day simply by how long he was awake or asleep. Time no longer held meaning for him. He pushed himself to go further distances between stops, hoping to find that place he longed for; home. Now, for Tenzō, home would be the place where his body would refuse to leave and his mind would be whole again. It never occurred to him that what he was searching for might not exist, or that he might already have been there.

He had been travelling non stop since early light, and he had no intention of stopping just yet. There was still some light left in the day and he intended to reach the rocky hills in the distance before he stopped for the night. The sun had already began its steady descent and he was cutting it close to reach a safe place in which to sleep.

“Yo, Tenzō! When are we stopping!?” Yōkai had fallen behind and was making a show of how tired it was.

Tenzō stopped and looked towards it with irritation. For something that wasn't real, it sure could moan a lot. Tenzō felt that he could quite happily march on through the night, yet Yōkai seemed to be weighed down by its backpack and thoroughly exhausted. He watched as it bent itself over and placed its hands on its knees, breathing in loud exaggerated breaths.

“Mah, we still have miles left in us.”

“Perhaps you do, but I most definitely don’t.” Yōkai bent its legs and landed hard on its posterior with a grunt, its legs flying out in straight angles. “I'm going no further.”

Tenzō huffed and walked back to where Yōkai now lay on its back. “We can't stop here. At least make it to the bottom of those hills. Then we can stop for the night.”

“The hills? Tenzō, that is at least an hour’s walk away! What about those trees there?” Yōkai said, pointing to a clump of trees a few hundred yards away.

Tenzō groaned loudly then spun on his heels and walked towards the hills defiantly. He had absolutely no idea why he insisted in arguing with the damned thing. He knew that if he left it behind it would just suddenly appear again anyway. Yōkai might be a stubborn hallucination, but Tenzō was a very stubborn shinobi. He carried on walking without looking back and a few minutes later, Tenzō heard the soft footfalls as Yōkai caught up and walked beside him. He smiled but ignored it, happy to have won a battle with himself.

“I better get a bed tonight.” Yōkai complained.

“You don't need a bed.” Tenzō reminded it.

“You have no idea how much I really do.” Yōkai frowned as it twisted and popped its spine, making Tenzō wince in sympathy. “Your floors are really playing havoc with my back.”

_So like senpai...._

By the time they had made it to the bottom of the rocky hills, the sun was about ready to set. Yōkai mumbled and grumbled as Tenzō built them a ground shelter and in the end, he did make a second bed. It was stupid and completely surplus to requirements, but if it stopped the hallucination annoying him, it was worth it. Once the shelter was complete he set a small fire just beyond the door that heated the interior nicely.

He heard a gurgling noise and looked to Yōkai who rubbed its stomach with an apologetic look upon its face. Tenzō chuckled. He didn't have much in the way of food, but what he did have, he shared with Yōkai. They sat on opposite sides of the fire and nibbled away at their meagre meal. Tenzō watched Yōkai as it consumed half of its meal in one gulp. He never wondered where the food went to, even though he knew Yōkai was not real. He was sure that when he was not looking, an animal ate it. Like that, there were things that he could explain away quite easily, but there were others that he could not. Such as the way in which heat would remain in the place where Yōkai had rested or how occasionally, people they met seemed to be able to see and hear Yōkai. That puzzled him the most.

“We'll need to stop at the next village for food.” Yōkai said between mouthfuls of dried fruit.

“There's plenty food for one person and since there's only one person here, there's plenty.”

“You wound me, Tenzō! I am a person!”

“Yes, but not a real one, therefore you do not need to eat.”

Yōkai stared at him with a curious expression. If he didn't know any better, Tenzō would swear he had just offended it. He could not help but snigger at that. An offended hallucination. How thoroughly fucked up his mind really was.

With their small meal finished, they both made their way into the shelter to settle for the night. Tenzō pulled out his old blanket and lumpy pillow and began to pull off his clothes. In the first few days in which Yōkai appeared, Tenzō had felt embarrassed at stripping off his clothes in front of it. Real or imagined, eyes were eyes and he didn't like anyone or anything looking at his scarred body. Then he realised he was being embarrassed about himself seeing himself and after his laughter had died away, Tenzō shrugged and pulled off his clothes. Yōkai had the decency to appear abashed when he did, and even looked mortified itself when it pulled its own imaginary clothes off then climbed under its imaginary bedding. But now, it was just a normal thing that he did not think about any more. He stripped down and jumped into bed without even a thought of Yōkai.

He settled onto his back and watched through the shelter door as the remainder of the days light slowly drained from the sky. It had been a strange day. For a short time, he had actually imagined Yōkai was real. Not as some doppelgänger of a man he once knew, but that it was actually Kakashi. Why he thought this he had no idea, but it disturbed him greatly. He had lost the ability to tell what was real and what was imagined and that was frightening. But earlier in the day, Yōkai had become Kakashi for a few short moments. He wondered then, if he had made a mistake. Could it actually be Kakashi following him doggedly around, protecting him from the fears in his mind? But then it couldn't be. He would recognise the real Kakashi instantly, wouldn't he?

Tenzō's mind could not switch off and he found himself laying there thinking more about Yōkai and what it represented. His mind had created it for a reason, and so he mused over what that reason might be. Maybe then he could understand it. As if it had heard his thoughts, Yōkai spoke up.

“Can't sleep?”

“I'm fine. Just not very tired tonight.”

“Want to talk?”

“About what?”

“Anything.”

“Not really.”

Tenzō heard movement and looked towards the sound. Yōkai sat on the edge of its bed, staring at him.

“May I ask you a question, Tenzō?”

“Sure.” Tenzō sighed as he rubbed his eyes.

“What will you do when you realise I am real?”

Tenzō laughed and turned in his bed to face Yōkai. “When? You have high hopes! I guess I would be happy. The person you represent means a great deal to me. I used to mean something to him but so much time has passed. I doubt he remembers me now. But, if you turned out to be him...”

“What?” Yōkai pushed.

“If you turned out to be him, I guess I would ask him to help me. He might be the only one that can.”

Yōkai stared hard at him, as if trying to make up its mind about something. It unsettled Tenzō. There was something about Yōkai tonight that didn't make sense. He seemed so...genuine.

“Then...in his absence, would you allow me to help you?”

Tenzō almost laughed, but the look on Yōkai's face stopped him. He thought over what it said. In a way, it would be as if he was helping himself. There would be no one poking through his brain or forcing their views of his psychopathy upon him. It would simply be a part of himself helping him. Yōkai did not move, continuing to stare intently. Tenzō searched its face and eyes, looking for an ulterior motive behind its want to help him. But in the light cast by the small fire, all he could see was eagerness and hope in those intense eyes. Tenzō creased an eye in suspicion and grunted as he flopped onto his back and placed his hands behind his head.

“Even if you are some kind of weird spirit, Yōkai, why in all of the world would you want to help me?”

Yōkai did not answer immediately. In fact, it fell so quiet that Tenzō looked towards it, curious to see if it had at last disappeared. It sat there, staring at him with that curious expression again, as if mulling things over in its mind before it decided to speak.

“Maybe I want to help because I'm....the will of this man that meant so much to you?”

Tenzō laughed. Actually, laughed, and loudly. “His will? Oh that's funny! I doubt Senpai would squander his will on the likes of me.”

Yōkai seemed put out by the reaction, as if it had really tried to tell Tenzō something that he did not understand. It turned and lifted its covers and lay down. It pulled the covers up to its chin and pouted. It actually looked as if it it was sulking and Tenzō bit down on the urge to laugh again.

After a few moments, Yōkai sighed and looked to the roof of the shelter. “Okay. Tell me a little about this man I resemble then.”

Tenzō sighed and looked away, drawing his hands down to rest upon his chest. He didn't huff or go into a rage and ignore the spirit, he finally decided to open up a little.

“Kakashi-senpai.....” Tenzō breathed the name as if it was something magical, before he closed his eyes and continued. “He is the greatest man I've ever known.” He shrugged, not feeling that any more words were required.

“Go on.” Yōkai whispered.

“Kakashi-senpai is strong, loyal and fierce. He is relentless in his quest for justice, and in protecting our...his...village. He saved me, you know. Saved my life when I was younger. He dragged me from a life of iniquity and brought me into the light that not only saved my life, but also my soul. He loved me, saw me for what I am, not what I could do. He saw me as a person, not as some living killing machine.”

As the words started to flow, Tenzō remembered more and more, and took strange delight in singing Kakashi's praises to Yōkai. He grinned and pulled himself up, leaning on his elbow as he looked at Yōkai and continued excitedly.

“Kakashi-senpai has a way about him that makes everyone want to follow him and do their absolute best. Not in order to impress him, but to be like him, a force to be reckoned with. And oh! He loves these books, these really, bloody awful books! I think he has read all of them at least a hundred times each. I've no doubt he could recount them verbatim in his sleep! He's funny, too, though he doesn't show his silly side in front of everyone. For example, he does this thing where he pulls his mask up over the whole of his face and pretends he is invisible. Like, he walks around and does stupid things and when you say something he says: You can't see me...I am not here...” Tenzō laughed in remembrance. “I've not seen him do that in a long time.”

Tenzō continued to speak of Kakashi and it felt as if every story he told, lightened his heart. He aired his grief at having lost the man, his sorrow at never having said goodbye. He told Yōkai tales of fun and danger. Spoke of times they had enjoyed together and of the times they had fought side by side. He spoke for hours, just remembering. To its credit, Yōkai did not interrupt or make a single sound. It watched Tenzō as he spoke, a small sad smile upon its face.

“Kakashi-sensei is...was...the only person that could make me genuinely smile and forget my worries. So you see, you don't even compare to him. You are an illusion. Senpai is not.”

“What if I'm not an illusion, Tenzō?”

“Impossible, and there is no point discussing it.” Tenzō said tersely.

“But, what if I am this Kakashi?”

“Then I would have a lot to be embarrassed about.”

“You've done nothing to be embarrassed about. I'd never judge you.”

“That's because you can't judge me,” Tenzō ground his teeth. “You're not real and I can't judge myself. You are not Kakashi-senpai, so drop it. Go to sleep, Yōkai, or whatever it is you do when I'm not looking.”

Yōkai didn't say another word and Tenzō turned onto his side to face the wall. He had said too much, allowed himself to get lost in happy memories. It happened sometimes. Yōkai could at times be so real that Tenzō found himself enjoying the illusion. Of course, whenever he opened up, even just slightly, Yōkai pushed his being Kakashi onto him and that never failed to break the spell. Still, it felt good to speak of Kakashi and remember him. No matter how much time passed, Tenzō never lost the love he felt for his senpai. To speak of him lightened his heart, but more often than not, it would leave him depressed, realizing just how precious a thing it had been that he left behind. In the silence of the shelter, Tenzō's eyes gradually became tired, his heavy eyelids finally closed and soon he was fast asleep.

_TBC..._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a dark chapter, be ready.

Day had already broken before Tenzō opened his eyes. He had enjoyed a deep and satisfying sleep, completely free of nightmares and terrors. As he stretched out his body, he yawned loudly then smiled and looked towards Yōkai. But the smile died on his lips and his brows furrowed when he saw that Yōkai was gone, as was any trace that it had ever been there. All that stood before him was the superfluous plain wooden bed he had created. Empty.

 _Gone at last,_ he thought.

He threw his covers aside and sat up on the edge of the bed. As he pulled at the tugs in his messy hair, Tenzō stared dreamily at the empty bed. He smoothed his hair down and swept it over his shoulders then sighed sadly.

_Guess I'm alone again._

_You were always alone,_ a voice in his head reminded him.

Tenzō threw himself back into his bed, leaving one leg hanging over the edge and allowed his arms to flop to his sides. He wondered if the reason that the hallucination had stayed with him for so long had been for the conversation he and Yōkai had before falling asleep. Not once had he spoken to Yōkai about Kakashi, believing that it was unworthy of hearing anything about the man it looked like. Since Yōkai was gone, it stood to reason that its entire creation had been simply to allow Tenzō to air the grief in his heart at having lost Kakashi. Now that he had spoken about it, he no longer needed Yōkai and so it had disappeared. But with its absence, Tenzō suddenly found himself feeling more alone than ever. He had gotten used to its strange company. Surprisingly, its disappearance left him somewhat bereft.

While it had been something he had wished for to begin with, Yōkai’s leaving hit him harder than he thought it might. It had been enjoyable to have a companion, even if the thing did rile him up at times. Just its presence had been enough to remind Tenzō that he was a social animal after all.

Tenzō closed his eyes, fully intending to stay in bed and allow the day to pass him by for once. There was not a lazy bone in his body, yet he suddenly felt world weary, as if all of his drive had up and left when Yōkai disappeared. He decided that if he wanted a lazy day, he would have one. Tenzō turned onto his side, pulled the covers from beneath him and dragged them over himself. There was no one to tell him to get up and no one to frown then tell him off for laying around. Nothing would make him change his mind about lazing the day away.

Nothing, that was, until a voice came from the direction of the door.

“Yo, Tenzō. Are you getting up or not?”

Tenzō froze mid breath then promptly twisted in the bed towards the voice and stared at the apparition in the doorway. Yōkai leaned there, a stupid smile on its naked face. Tenzō found himself lost for words, amazed that it was still there. He shook his head and blinked his eyes, yet Yōkai continued to stand there, one hand in pocket, the other holding an old tattered book.

“Thought I'd give you a lie in since you talked most of the night.” It said, closing the book and pushing it into its back pocket.

“Oh, okay...thanks.” Tenzō said as he slowly sat up and dragged himself off the bed. “I'll be out in a minute.”

Yōkai nodded then turned and walked outside. Tenzō just smiled. It should have upset or at least annoyed him that Yōkai was still there. It meant that there was still a reason for its presence; some underlying problem he had yet to work through. But he didn't want to think about that. If he tried and succeeded in figuring out what the problem was, Yōkai would disappear for good. Those few moments of believing it was gone were enough for Tenzō to realize that he needed Yōkai around. Whether the thing was a hallucination, a spirit or whatever, Tenzō realized he enjoyed its company.

He hurriedly pulled on his clothes, feeling a rush of excitement he had not felt in a long time. Now he had someone to talk to, someone to walk with and someone that, because it was part of him, would never leave unless he wished it. Normally he would neatly fold his bedding and pack his bag properly, but he rolled it into a ball and hastily pushed it into the backpack. He just wanted to get outside and enjoy feeling alive.

It was a glorious day and Tenzō was glad he had not languished in bed. As he walked out into the warm air, he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. He could smell the sweet scent of the pine trees growing around the base of the hills and detected the barest hint of hidden flowers. When he opened his eyes he saw Yōkai watching him from its seat by the long dead fire.

“You seem happy for a change.” It drawled as it packed things away.

“Who wouldn't be happy on a day like this?” Tenzō countered as he placed a hand on the shelter and broke it down.

Tenzō waited on its usual witty comeback. It always had something to say; a wise crack or something that would make Tenzō roll his eyes or laugh. But Yōkai just shrugged and continued checking its bag. Something was off. It seemed a little more strange than usual; quiet and withdrawn. Tenzō took a moment to look at it, watching its every move. It glowered as it took the book from its back pocket and slipped it into a pouch on the side of its bag.

“You okay?” He eventually asked.

_When did it become real to me?_

Yōkai raised its head slowly and looked at him strangely. “I'm fine, yeah. Why do you ask?”

“You just seem a little quiet is all.”

“You mean, for something that isn't real, right?” The words were spoken in its usual tone, but there was something behind them that made Tenzō wince. Could it be that it was angry with him?

“I don't really know how to answer that.” He rubbed the back of his head, bewildered at Yōkai's glum mood.

“Mah, ignore me.” It laughed mirthlessly at that. “Like you used to.” It ended bitterly as it carelessly dropped its bag on the ground.

Tenzō continued to watch it, seeing things about it he had not noticed before. It had the same stupid book that Kakashi insisted on reading. Why had he not noticed that before? It carried itself in a laid back manner, just like Kakashi. It walked with long strides with its hands pushed into its pockets, just like Kakashi. But these were details that any good hallucination would have because that was his memory of Kakashi. Only there were other details, things that seemed to tell Tenzō that what he was looking at was, in fact, a sentient being. It had a sorrowful look in its eyes and a sad frown tugged at its lips. Its words were filled with emotion and Tenzō found himself wondering how that was even possible

“Have I said something wrong?” He asked, feeling as if he had offended the strange creature.

“Stuff on my mind.” It replied.

“Ha! Now you really _are_ beginning to sound like him!”

“Who?”

“Kakashi-senpai.”

“That's something at least.” Yōkai sighed and shrugged as it got to its feet. “So where are we going today?”

Tenzō thought for a moment. It was an odd reversal for him to be happy and Yōkai so sullen. But to carry on the conversation would only upset him. Yōkai was simply mirroring his own mind, therefore to dwell on its broodiness would only drag his mood down. So, he looked around the area then smiled.

“Lets climb up and have a look at what's out there.” He grinned, pointing to the highest of the four hills.

Yōkai nodded then followed Tenzō as he sprinted to the bottom of the hill and began his ascent. It was a steep and arduous climb as the hill was mainly comprised of hard jagged rock. It took longer to climb to the high peak than he thought it would, but Tenzō enjoyed the workout it gave his body. With hands hurting and muscles burning, he finally reached the top and walked across the surprisingly flat surface to peer over the edge. It was a long way down to the ground, a craggy, rock infested drop. To slip would no doubt mean certain death, so Tenzō took a few steps back then looked out over the stunning vista spread out before him.

With the sky so bright and the air so clear, Tenzō could see for miles. From this vantage point, he saw many villages dotted around the landscape, with roads and pathways woven across the land like intricate scars. There was a large village not too far from his position, likely a half hour in walking distance. Yōkai eventually joined him and stood quietly by his side. Arms folded and back rigid, it quietly looked out over the view.

“We could head there to stock up on food.” Tenzō motioned to the nearest village.

“Then what?” Yōkai asked sounding bored.

Tenzō looked around and spied a swathe of deep forest in the distance that seemed to cover a vast area of land.

“There.” He said, pointing at his chosen destination. “Let's head for that forest. It reminds me of Konoha”

Yōkai looked at it, then began to smile. “Yes, it does.” It smiled wider. “Sounds good to me.”

Tenzō felt happy to have made the creature smile, as if its happiness was tied to his own. Which, he reminded himself, it was. Yōkai looked to him and unfolded its arms. Its eyes sparkled with mischief and it grinned lopsidedly then it leaned towards him and stopped just before their noses touched. Tenzō saw that the sadness had drained from its features and it stared at him affectionately. He felt his heart quicken as a frisson of excitement ran down his spine.

_Why do I feel like this?_

“Race you back down.” It whispered, then it winked and ran towards the edge.

Tenzō burst out laughing then turned to follow. He sped towards the edge Yōkai had just disappeared over, then stopped dead in his tracks.

His mouth ran dry as he watched a dark figure slid over the edge and onto the hilltop. Its movements were unnatural, erratic. The chilling sight sped towards him in a rapid zigzagging motion that made Tenzō queasy. He felt himself take a step back as a shiver ran up his spine and bile rose in his throat. He had suffered less hallucinations since Yōkai first appeared and had enjoyed a respite from being chased by the horrors his mind invoked. He attributed this respite to Yōkai's presence, but it had slipped over the edge and was gone, leaving Tenzō to stare at the frighteningly foul figure that sped towards him.

It was a black shadowed mass that flickered in and out of focus until it stopped a few meters before Tenzō. Then, he watched as it consolidated into the shape of a familiar man.

“Ahh my sweet child...we are alone once more...”

“Oh please...no...”

Orochimaru laughed hysterically as he drew himself up to his full height and walked slowly towards Tenzō. “Come now, did you think I would allow you to live forever? You were never meant to survive little one. You were never meant to be happy.”

_Tenzō?_

Tenzō felt stricken, frozen to the spot in fear as Orochimaru stopped laughing. He smiled widely, and his mouth continued to widen until his head rippled and bulged grotesquely. His head grew and distorted until it abruptly ruptured with a sickening ripping sound. What remained of his head hung in bloody tatters around his neck as his body began to shake. It morphed in size and shape, as if tiny explosions burst within it and then suddenly, a giant snake exploded from Orochimaru's remains. The huge creature hissed loudly as it looked down on Tenzō.

“You should run, little one.”

Tenzō broke into a sprint, stumbling blindly across the hilltop as he gulped down ineffectual panicked breaths that left him light headed. His eyes scoured the area for somewhere to run to, but the hilltop was barren and flat. There was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

He aimed for the edge, determined to escape down the side of the hill, but every time he got close to the edge, the monstrous snake would twist itself in front of him and strike the spot Tenzō had stood milliseconds before.

_Tenzō!_

He cried out for help, screeching for Yōkai despite knowing it was a waste of his short breath. Yōkai could not help him, yet Tenzō now depended on it. To battle one hallucination against another was preposterous, but Tenzō would give anything for Yōkai to appear and break through the illusion and banish his fears. But Yōkai did not appear and Tenzō found himself running in circles around the hilltop. He could not escape the deadly illusion that towered above him as it struck with increasing accuracy.

_Tenzō! It's not real!_

The snake hissed loudly and attempted to coil itself around Tenzō's body, but he flipped himself backwards while firing his Mokuton towards it. Jagged stakes erupted from the ground, twisting in the air until they ensnared the snake. They pulled the monstrosity to the ground and immobilized it. Tenzō threw thick wooden projectiles into its disgusting body and it hissed angrily before making a strange sizzling noise. It suddenly burst into flames that turned its body black and fried it to ash.

_Tenzō! You're safe! There is nothing there!_

From the fiery inferno a figure appeared. Orochimaru strode towards Tenzō, his eyes gleaming maniacally with murderous intent. Tenzō could not help but step backwards as the loathsome apparition approached him. Then he felt a sudden shift beneath his feet as the ground gave way. His stomach flipped and he cried out in terror as he felt himself falling backwards into the void behind him. He felt a hand grab his shirt and pull him to safety and he looked to find Orochimaru standing right before him.

_Oh Gods that was close! Tenzō?_

Orochimaru released his shirt to roughly grab his arm. Sheer bloody terror gripped Tenzō, tightly squeezing his heart which hammered painfully in his chest. The most terrifying and unspeakably vile memories poured through his mind. All the pain and atrocities that he had suffered at the hands of the man before him, causing him to become increasingly panicked. He tried to push the illusion away with his free hand. It came into contact with a solid body, something real. His eyes opened wide in surprise; Orochimaru was real!

_Tenzō! Look at me..._

He cried out in horror, twisting his free hand to grab at the poisoned kunai he kept strapped to his opposite thigh. His fingers brushed its hilt as Orochimaru shook him and he didn't think he would reach it. Then his fingers wrapped tightly around it and he drew the kunai up and forced it forward with a ferocious roar. Tenzō plunged the sharp weapon deep into Orochimaru's stomach. The man grunted then coughed and spluttered, his hateful serpentine eyes going wide in shock as he took a step backwards. Tenzō followed, grunting as he buried the kunai deeper into Orochimaru's stomach.

“Ten-zō...”

He looked at the odious creature before him, a person that, he realized too late, should not know his name. Orochimaru laughed, quietly at first. Then his laughter grew louder as he slowly lost substance, becoming wisps of black smoke that rose into the air, to reveal another man.

“Yōkai?” He said stupidly as he stared at his companion in confusion.

Tenzō struggled to understand what was happening. A hallucination that felt solid, Orochimaru knowing his real name and now Yōkai, standing before him with the most tortured look upon its face. His mind raced as he stared at Yōkai, furiously trying to figure out what was happening. He felt frightened and anxious; something had happened, something so terrible that his mind refused to acknowledge it. Then he felt warm, wet liquid gush over his hand. He looked down to see blood flowing from the wound in Yōkai's stomach, soaking his hand and drenching his clothes. The warm viscous fluid trickled down his fingers still holding the kunai and dripped from his knuckles. He stared at it, mesmerized.

 _I should not be able to feel this,_ he realized.

Tenzō slowly raised his head, almost unwilling to look. He could hear Yōkai's loud ragged breaths and felt it trembling as the movement vibrated through the kunai to his hand. Tenzō began to hyperventilate. His heart thudded loudly and beat in an irregular rhythm as he became more distressed. When he finally looked at Yōkai's face, it was no longer there.

In its place, stood Kakashi.

“Se...senpai?”

Kakashi moaned piteously and staggered slightly, but somehow he managed to remain upright as his breathing started to labour. Tenzō almost collapsed as he looked at Kakashi. Shocked to see him and utterly horrified at what he had done.

“Tenzō...” Kakashi whispered as his legs began to shake and give way.

“I...I don't understand! Senpai?!” Tenzō cried out, gripping Kakashi's arm tightly.

“It's okay, Tenzō...it's okay...”

“No! No it isn't! You are Yōkai! You're not real!” Tenzō felt his mind unravel as he watched Kakashi slowly fall. He tried but failed to convince himself that this was all a bad dream. “No no no! Senpai!! He was left standing with a bloodied kunai in his hand as Kakashi slumped to the ground with a painful thud.

Kakashi lay panting at Tenzō's feet. His life's blood drained frightening quick from the terrible wound Tenzō had inflicted upon him. Tenzō made a strangled noise as he dropped the kunai and fell to his knees. His trembling hands hovered over Kakashi as if he had no idea of what to do, scared to touch lest it cause the man more pain. He was aware of Kakashi’s pain filled eyes watching him as he reached forward and placed his hands over the wound in order to stem the blood. Tenzō bit his bottom lip hard and blinked back fresh tears when Kakashi groaned in agony and a violent shudder ran through his body.

“Tenzō...look at me...what do you see...?” Kakashi choked out through gritted teeth.

“I...I see you, senpai...” Tenzō cried miserably, hot tears streaming down his face.

“Ahhh...finally...there he is...” Kakashi whispered with a small smile as he weakly moved his hand to Tenzō's arm and gripped it tightly. “Good to see you again...my Tenzō...”

Tenzō felt his heart clench and his throat constrict as Kakashi's eyes slowly closed. His hand loosened its grip on Tenzō's arm then fell to the ground as his head tipped to the side. Tenzō held his breath, waiting on something - anything - happening. He fervently wished for Kakashi to disappear and for all of this to be one huge complicated hallucination. But deep down, he knew this was not some elaborate illusion created by his mind. This, was most definitely real.

“Senpai?” Tenzō felt his insides crawling. His stomach churned as his heart threatened to burst from his chest. “Senpai?” His tears blinded him as he coughed and wailed, devastated at what he had done.

Kakashi did not answer nor stir. He lay there silent and still, his eyes rolled behind half closed eyelids and that small smile still present on his lips through which he breathed so very weakly.

  
Real as could be, Hatake Kakashi, the only man he ever cared for, was dying before Tenzō's eyes.

Racked with guilt, a painful wave of anguish tore through Tenzō's body. He threw his head back and screamed long and hard until it felt as if his throat might rip itself apart. His scream reverberated through the land and then, there was only silence.

  
  
  
 _TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me, just trust me....


	11. Chapter 11

Kakashi knew nothing but excruciating pain. It radiated throughout his entire body from the agonizing hole in his stomach. It was made so much worse by the fact his body was in constant motion and it tore endlessly at his grievous wound. His mind was sluggish and he blacked out almost as soon as he woke up from the pain in an ongoing cycle of suffering and relief.

“...what have I done...please hold on...the village is just up ahead...I wish I'd seen you sooner senpai...”

The quietly whispered litany filtered through the ongoing torture Kakashi experienced with every jarring movement that shook his body. He tried to concentrate on the words, hoping to keep his mind from the pain.

“...ANBU chakra dressing...it should help...oh Kami what have I done...I thought you were him...I should have seen you...I'm so sorry...hold on senpai...”

Strong arms held him tightly, crushed against Tenzō's chest as he attempted to beat Death in a race for Kakashi's life. Kakashi felt a moment of weightlessness as Tenzō dropped from a height and a loud cry tore from his throat as he was jostled violently by the eventual impact on landing. His gut twisted and sent out fresh waves of agony through which he groaned.

“...oh no shhh...I’m sorry...I had to jump down...stay with me senpai...I’ll get you help...hang on a little longer...”

Kakashi managed to crack an eye open but closed it again quickly when the view made him dizzy. The speed at which Tenzō was moving was incredible, causing the world around them to look like nothing but a stomach churning blur.

“...we're nearly there...hold on…stay with me senpai...I’m so sorry...There’s the hospital! Just a little longer...”

It sounded as though Tenzō had no idea he was even speaking, the words spilling from his mouth in a constant flow of scrambled thoughts. Or maybe it only sounded that way because Kakashi slipped in and out of consciousness so often. He tried so hard to speak, to tell Tenzō everything was okay, but, as with the rest of his body, his mouth refused to work. The poison that Tenzō chose to coat his weapons with had a paralysing effect. It rendered Kakashi unable to move and affected his ability to breathe as it burned through his system.

 _I'm not going to make it_...he thought.

But, he did not panic or feel fear, because Tenzō was there. At his end, that was all Kakashi needed.

 

* * *

 

“...please help him! Somebody! Help us!”

Kakashi struggled to breathe, wakening to the sound of his own choking as his body was whirled around in dizzying circles. In his frenzied state, Tenzō turned in all directions as he searched for someone to help. His voice was broken and hoarse and Kakashi wished he could calm him. He heard the sound of running footsteps and felt Tenzō turn towards the noise.

“Please...help him...” Tenzō's voice wavered and dropped to a whisper. “...please...”

Then the world tilted sickeningly and as his body hit the ground, torturous pain ripped through him. If Kakashi had the ability to do so, he would have screamed. As it was, all he managed was a pathetic grunt, lost amidst the choking sounds forced from his rapidly constricting throat.

Through his half closed eyes, he saw Tenzō, laying before him. His head was facing Kakashi, his eyes oddly unfocused. His lips moved as if speaking, but no words could be heard. Tenzō’s vacant expression was frightening; as if his mind had shut down. Kakashi got the awful impression that the man he knew was gone and he screamed Tenzō’s name internally.

Kakashi felt gentle hands turn him onto his back. His head followed the direction in which his body moved and his eyes slipped from Tenzō. Strangers looked down on him, one shouting for more help as the other tore his clothes and tilted his head in an attempt to open his airway. His vision was tinged with darkness as he quickly succumbed to both asphyxia and blood loss. As his eyes rolled back, he felt many hands take hold of his body and lift him onto a stretcher as gently as they could. But the movement pulled at his wound and the intense wave of pain it created caused him to pass out.

In the many long hours that followed, Kakashi continued to waver between tormented consciousness and prolonged merciful darkness. When he was awake, his mind focused on the burning sensation that felt like hell fire coursing through his veins as well as the constant gnawing agony in his stomach. There were times in which he was actually grateful to pass out as it gave him some brief respite from the overload of sensations. While he wasn’t really capable of thinking much when aware, he heard everything around him as he continued to slip in and out of consciousness.

 

* * *

“.......and how is he?”

“Stable and responding to the anti toxin. The poison is slowly dispersing and we hope to see him recover from its effects soon.”

“How's his wound looking?”

“Not good. The damage is quite severe but we're working on it.”

“And the other?”

“No change. His chakra levels are low and he has some injuries to his feet and legs; shredded muscles as you would see in one who nearly ran himself to death. But I'm more concerned about the fact he is unresponsive to all stimuli. They think....”

 

* * *

 

“...and is there any improvement?”

“His wound is closing well, but he is still under the effects of the toxin. It’s strong stuff.”

“Do you have any idea who they are yet?”

“Only that they are leaf ninja from Konoha. This one is familiar to me.”

“Wow, they are far from home. Is it possible....”

 

* * *

 

“...he spoken yet?”

“Not even moved. Kenta is beginning to get concerned, says he should be more alert by now.”

“His friend is not doing too well, either.”

“No?”

“He has healed fine, and his chakra levels are back to normal. But he doesn’t even seem to be aware of his surroundings at all.”

“Has Makoto seen him?”

“Yes. She couldn't do anything, says his mind is in pieces. She will try again tomorrow, but...”

 

* * *

 

“...infection. We caught it in time though, he's healing nicely now.”

“Any movement?”

“His left hand twitched earlier, so hopefully soon.”

“Has Makoto been back to see either of them?”

“She came to see the other one.”

“And?”

“She says he is locked within himself, catatonic stupor.”

“That's not good.”

“No...”

 

* * *

 

The constant dull throbbing in his stomach pulled Kakashi from his slumber. He dozed in a numbed state for what felt like hours until he could finally open his eyes. He found himself in an unfamiliar room. Bright sunshine shone through the window, hurting his eyes. He raised a hand to shield them and heard someone move beside him.

“Oh! Hold on!”

He heard someone quickly cross the room, followed by the noise of a curtain being pulled. The room darkened considerably and Kakashi let his shaking arm drop back to the bed and blinked his vision clear.

“Where am I?” He croaked, staring at the man standing at the bottom of the bed. He was a large man, tall and muscular but his face was kind, his aura calming.

“You are in Iyashimura hospital. My name is Kenta, one of the medical staff. And you are?”

“Kakashi...Hatake Kakashi...”

Kenta raised one eyebrow, a bemused smile on his face. “I thought so. We don't often treat celebrities in our modest hospital, but we do hear of them. How do you feel?”

“Sore...weak...” Kakashi replied as his eyes swept the room.

“I'm not surprised. The state you were in, we didn't think you would pull through.”

“How did I get here? What happened?”

“Your friend brought you here two days ago. As for what happened, we were hoping you could tell us that.”

“My friend...”

Kakashi's mind cleared instantly, his breath catching as he was bombarded with memory after memory. Tenzō climbing the hill, his sweet laughter when Kakashi challenged him to a race. Tenzō terrified, sprinting across the deserted hilltop, screaming for help. Tenzō running him through with a kunai, tearing a hole in his stomach. He pushed the covers down and stared at the large dressing covering his wound, one hand wavering above it, reluctant to touch. His eyes darted back and forth as yet more memories poured through his mind. Movement, pain, shouts and whispers. Tenzō laying on the floor, his eyes unseeing, looking as if someone had wiped his mind...

_Stay with me senpai...I'm so sorry..._

He gasped then sat upright in the bed with a cry. “Tenzō! Where's Tenzō?!”

Kakashi turned onto his side and struggled against his own infirmity. He pushed the covers away and scrambled weakly to get out of the bed. He ignored the sharp pains from his wound as well as Kenta’s words of caution. Kakashi nearly passed out as a wave of dizziness hit, but he continued to struggle, gripping the side of the bed for leverage. He managed to pull his legs over the side and leaned forward to stand when he felt strong hands grab his shoulders.

“Get out of my way.” Kakashi snarled, shoving at Kenta.

Kakashi fought against the giant man, twisting in an attempt to get out of his strong grip. He finally managed to free himself enough to push off from the bed only to be restrained again; grabbed by the waist as his legs buckled beneath him. Yet he still fought tooth and nail. Even if he had to crawl to find Tenzō, he would.

“Makoto!” Kenta yelled as he struggled to contain Kakashi who thrashed wildly in his arms.

A snap of lightning burst in Kakashi's right hand and he growled angrily as it crackled and whistled. “Let _go_ of me!”

A young woman ran into the room and despite being faced with an enraged shinobi firing off lightning jutsu, she stepped up to Kakashi without any hesitation  whatsoever and placed her hand on his forehead. Kakashi instantly felt a wave of unnatural calm wash over him and the Raikiri snuffed out of existence. He suddenly felt so very tired and he sagged in Kenta’s arms with a quiet moan as his muscles slackened and body relaxed.

“It's ok Hatake-san.” Kenta murmured as he gently lifted Kakashi back into bed.

“What did you...do...?” Kakashi whispered, feeling completely at ease even though he knew he should be seething.

“That's Makoto's speciality. You need to stay calm, Hatake-san. It took two days to fix you and you want to ruin my handiwork by falling out of the bed?”

“I need to see Tenzō...”

“And you will. But first, I need to check that you didn't burst that wound open, and then, we need to talk about your friend.”

Whatever Makoto had done to him, left Kakashi in an odd happy daze. He felt strangely unwilling to move. The fear and fury still buzzed at the back of his mind, yet it did not concern him as it had moments before. He knew he should be shouting and fighting his way out of the room, yet he didn’t want to even move.

Kenta checked over his wound and tutted while shaking his head. He placed his hands over Kakashi’s stomach and closed his eyes. Kakashi felt the warm touch of a healer, most probably repairing fresh damage sustained during his attempted escape. The dressing reapplied, Kenta adjusted the covers then leaned on the edge of the bed.

“You are as strong and determined as the stories tell of you, Hatake-san.”

Kakashi merely stared at him, feeling disorientated and groggy under the suppression of Makoto's jutsu.

“The weapon that injured you, sliced through muscle and caused so much internal damage that we nearly lost you. You will need more healing sessions, or it will never heal properly.”

“No...”

“Hatake-san, the damage is there whether you like it or not. I will not allow you to further damage yourself, not when the young man in the next room nearly killed himself to save you.”

That stopped any further argument from Kakashi.

“There is also the effects of the toxin to consider. Have you noticed the shaking in your body?”

Kakashi only then began to feel the odd sensation; a trembling in his arms and legs as well as tiny shivers in his torso. He nodded.

“The toxin seems to have affected your nervous system. I can not say for certain if this will be permanent, but-”

“I don't...care about me...Tenzō...”

Kenta sighed and looked to Makoto, who cleared her throat and approached the bed. The look on her face showed Kakashi all he needed to know and he closed his eyes as Makoto began to speak. He didn't hear it all, lost in a grief stricken haze as the woman continued.

“...experiencing something so traumatic that the mind shuts down. It splinters and pulls in on itself as a...”

Kakashi opened his eyes and stared at the light above his bed. He barely acknowledged what the two med nin were saying. Tenzō had been improving, Kakashi had seen the signs. Now these strangers were telling him that Tenzō was gone, unrecoverable. He refused to believe it, refused to accept that he had lost Tenzō. They had to be wrong.

“...Makoto is Iyashimura's most proficient sensory med nin and...”

“...several tests and so far nothing...beyond my capabilities and I am so sorry...”

He felt hollow inside, cold and numb. It was as if they had just ripped the heart out of his chest and tore it to shreds before his eyes.

“Hatake-san?”

Kakashi realised he was being asked a question and turned his eyes towards Kenta, who smiled sadly. “When Makoto lifts the jutsu, will you remain calm?”

Kakashi tried to nod, managing only one small tilt of his head. Abruptly, the fuzzy feeling of suppression lifted and he drew in a long deep breath.

“Okay?” Kenta asked, watching Kakashi closely. When Kakashi nodded, Kenta fetched a wheelchair and placed it at the side of the bed. “I will take you to see your friend now.”

 

* * *

 

Kenta wheeled Kakashi to Tenzō’s bedside. Placing a hand on his shoulder, he promised to return, then left, closing the door to give them privacy.

Tenzō lay deathly still. He was pale and gaunt, an appearance only exacerbated by the bright light in the room. His eyes, although open, did not see the world around him, simply staring in whatever direction his head lay. His jaw was slack and his mouth slightly opened, creating a look of surprise on his otherwise expressionless face. He was so silent and motionless it scared Kakashi.

If he had been unable see the steady rise and fall of his chest, Kakashi might have believed the man before him was dead. He counted three breaths before he let out a relieved sigh then leaned forward with his arms resting on the bed. He swallowed hard as he looked upon Tenzō's blank expression then took hold of the man's hand and gripped it tightly.

“Tenzō? It's me.” He said as he searched Tenzō's face for some flicker of recognition, but there was nothing. “Come on Tenzō, look at me.”

Tenzō continued to stare past Kakashi's head, as if looking at something behind him. It twisted Kakashi's insides to see him like this, but he was convinced that Tenzō would hear him, no matter what anyone said to the contrary. He wasn’t sure what to say, so chose to go over what had happened in the past few weeks, hoping it might jog Tenzō from his fugue.

“I was so happy the night I found you. There you were, moving in front of the fire, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. But you were lost, and I promised to somehow bring you back. And we were winning, Tenzō.” Kakashi pulled himself closer and sighed. “Every day you came back just that little bit more. You were happier and smiled more and I knew you were coming back. When you spoke to Yōkai about me...it reminded me how close we once were. It hurt that you couldn’t see me, but I understood why. It was just so good to see you smile again.”

He reached forward and placed a hand behind Tenzo’s head then gently tilted it forward. He aligned their eyes with the hope that Tenzō might see him. It made no difference. Tenzō gaze remained fixed, his eyes glazed and unfocused. He stared through Kakashi as if he wasn’t there.

When Kakashi began to speak again, his voice sounded broken and he struggled to control his breathing. “What happened? What happened to you? You were _so_ close to...breaking through. I...I saw you on the hilltop...running...terrified of something I couldn't see. What did you see? Certainly not me! Then...then you nearly fell, oh gods, the look on your face...I thought I was too late to catch you...but I saved you. I saved you...I...Why couldn’t you see me?! I was _right there_! I was right... _there_ Tenzō...right in front of you...it was _always_ me!”

Kakashi found himself sobbing quietly as he rubbed his hand up and down Tenzō's arm. His hope was fading as he looked into those dark empty eyes, seeing nothing but a soulless shell before him. “I...I promised I'd never leave you, Tenzō...and...and I never will...But please...Tenzō please...don't leave me...not like this...”

He reached forward to touch Tenzō’s face, sliding his fingers down his cheek until his hand rested on his neck. “Don’t leave me like this, Tenzō...come back to me...I want to take you home...please...”

Kakashi could bear to look at that empty gaze no longer and folded his arm on the edge of the bed then buried his face in it as he wept. His entire world came crashing down around him as he realised that no matter what he said or how much he begged, Tenzō was gone. After everything they had been through, nothing had changed; he had lost Tenzō anyway.

Someone knocked and opened the room door. Kakashi hastily wiped his face and looked up to see Kenta. The large man lowered his head to allow Kakashi to pull himself together, before fully entering the room and walking to Tenzō’s bedside.

Kakashi looked to Tenzō once more, his heart breaking when he saw no difference in him whatsoever. He nodded when Kenta asked if he was ready, and let go of Tenzō’s hand as he was pulled away.

“He's really gone, isn't he?” Kakashi whispered as they entered his room.

Kenta sighed as he placed Kakashi’s wheelchair beside the bed and applied the brakes.

“There is a saying here in Iyashimura: The soul may wander, but the heart will always protect it. For as long as the heart beats, there is hope. Don't give up, Hatake-san, there is always hope, even when you can't see it.”

Kakashi found himself physically and emotionally exhausted. The trembling in his body had worsened and he found himself unable to stand. Kenta helped him move from the wheelchair into his bed, then pulled the covers over him. Kakashi was asleep before Kenta had even left the room.

 

_TBC..._

 

_I told you to trust me..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of your support has been wonderful! I hardly feel worthy of the comments but they make me want to write you all the best story I can! Thank you all!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing the end of this tale! Will Tenzō come back or will he peacefully drift away? I don't know yet...  
> Dedicating this chapter to Lelle, SamanthaM_M and Deadharbor. You guys have been great!  
> Big thanks to BlackMajjicDuchess. I had major problems with formatting and she helped me fix them XD And of course, for being a wonderful beta and friend ;)

In the days that followed, Kakashi endured intense treatment sessions that left him aching and exhausted. Kenta's techniques differed somewhat from those used in Konoha and Kakashi's wound was a complicated mess. But, he healed slowly, and far better than even Kenta had hoped.

The after effect of the toxin, while still present, diminished until it was merely a slight trembling that became evident when Kakashi over exerted himself. Kenta reassured Kakashi that it was becoming more evident that it was not a permanent affliction, and would pass with time.

While Kakashi continued to improve, Kenta refused to discharge him from his care, demanding that he stay around until the wound had healed completely and the tremor had gone. Kakashi felt that Kenta's insistence had less to do with his physical health and more to do with his need to be near Tenzō. It seemed that Kenta, a complete stranger until a few days ago, understood Kakashi exactly.

He was allowed to visit Tenzō when he wanted and often left alone with him for extended periods of time, so long as Kakashi rested sufficiently. For this, Kakashi was grateful. He spent every second he was able by Tenzō's bedside, trying to break through to him. Kakashi would sit there for hours, holding Tenzō's hand while searching his pallid face for any sign of life.

Makoto had explained that sometimes, a familiar voice could reach a person who had withdrawn into themselves. In the beginning, he felt stupid. Talking to someone who was completely unaware of his presence just seemed futile. But he pushed aside his self-conscious feelings and did it anyway. After that, the words just flowed.

He told Tenzō about Konoha, of the people living there and how the village had changed and thrived in his absence. He told him about their students and how they had become fine young men and women, every one of them a credit to the village. He spoke of his time as Hokage, and how he both loved and loathed it. Most of the time, he spoke about their time together over the years. Reminiscing about the early days, recounting their most renowned battles and laughing at happier times.

Every day, Kakashi entered the room with the hopes that Tenzō would waken, and every night he left the room with another deep crevasse in his already broken heart.

Tonight was no different.

As he walked slowly back to his room, he noticed that the trembling in his limbs was more pronounced than usual. He found leaving Tenzō something that became increasingly hard. He had spent far longer by his bed this day, and now he was paying for it. He climbed into his bed, his wound reminding him it was still there by sending a sharp pain through his abdomen. He gingerly placed a hand over the dressing, as if that might somehow take the pain away. He waited on the pain subsiding before laying back on the bed and turning onto his side.

Despite feeling exhausted, sleep eluded him. His mind just would not allow him to rest. It continually analysed the events of the past few weeks in graphic detail, as if in doing so, he might find a way to help Tenzō. He questioned his own actions and words, queried whether things he could have changed the outcome had he said or did something differently.

Unable to sleep, Kakashi found himself counting things in the room. Lines in the pattern of the curtains, bumps on the walls, squares on the ceiling. Despite the monotony, it didn't help. So his mind began to wander to a place he really didn't want to visit. But he had to face facts.

There were no signs that Tenzō would ever recover. The psychosis, combined with the traumatic experience of a week ago, had broken Tenzō's already fragile mind. It left Kakashi to consider what their future might be. It was a rather bleak outlook that just made him feel that much more depressed. For as long as Tenzō remained in the state he was, Kakashi would care for him. Even if the prognosis remained unchanged, Kakashi would not abandon him.

He imagined the passing of years and still sitting by Tenzō's bedside as an old man. Watching Tenzō age and never waken. He shuddered and turned onto his back. He would not, of course, have it any other way. But to never hear Tenzō speak again, never have his eyes look upon him as they once did, left Kakashi desolate. He felt it was a harsh punishment for all of his sins, and he would endure that punishment, even though it would kill him inside.

When Kakashi felt fit enough, he intended to take Tenzō back to Konoha, even if it meant carrying him home, he would. If Tenzō never surfaced again and it was established that no one could ever help him, so be it. At least he would be surrounded by people who loved him, which was all Kakashi ever wanted for Tenzō; to know love and be at peace.

But then, Kakashi thought sadly, Tenzō never would know. If he didn't emerge from his dissociation from the world around him, how could he?

Despair washed over Kakashi and he pulled himself into a tight ball as if trying to hold himself together. He relished the pain the position caused his wound, as it reminded him he still had the capacity to feel. For it felt as if his heart had been cleaved in two and cut from his chest, leaving behind a dark emptiness, devoid of all hope and light. He felt dead inside. As dead as the dark empty eyes of his lover.

Soon, his muscles relaxed, his breathing slowed and without him even realizing, Kakashi fell asleep for the first time in three days.

O0o0o0o

He was surrounded by an army of clones. Each of them had Tenzō's face, every one of them displaying the same empty expression as they wandered aimlessly around a vast barren landscape. Kakashi ran between them all, shaking their shoulders and calling for them to waken. But every time he did this, the clone in his grip would disintegrate before his eyes, becoming nothing but dust that rose into the air and disappeared.

The real Tenzō had to be amongst them, he just had to find the right one. One by one, the clones failed to waken and disappeared into dust at his touch. Until one remained. Kakashi dared not touch it, he just watched it for a while. It dragged its feet as it walked, as if it was so exhausted it might collapse at any second. Kakashi began to follow it, walking in its footsteps until they came across a shelter. The thing was made of twisted, blackened wood, a sinister construction that seemed to draw the clone towards it. A tiny light shone from within and the clone entered the shelter with hands out reached. Kakashi made to follow, but the clone turned and pushed him hard. He stumbled backwards and fell to the ground as he tripped over a scorched and split sculpture of a wolf.

When he looked back to the clone, he found it staring at him and gradually, it changed to become Tenzō. Kakashi got to his feet and made for the door, only to be grabbed from behind by wooden tendrils of charred wood that coiled around his waist and pulled him into the air. Wooden staked burst from the ground in front of the shelter, as the door began to shrink.

Tenzō was yelling, shouting and reaching through the rapidly disappearing doorway.

“I'm sorry senpai! I didn't mean it! _Senpai_!”

Kakashi tore at the coils that held him tightly. He grabbed the rough splintered wood, hoping to somehow rip it apart and free himself, but it was useless. He could only watch as the doorway closed over and locked Tenzō inside. But he could still hear him screaming.

“Tenzō! _TENZŌ!!_ ”

Kakashi shot upright in his bed, dragged from the nightmare by Kenta's gentle shake.

“Are you okay, Hatake-san?”

Kakashi wiped the sweat from his face and pushed back his damp hair. He took a few breaths and nodded his head as his heart calmed down. “Just a bad dream.”

Kenta walked over to the window and pulled back the curtain. The sun had barely risen. Kakashi wondered why Kenta would waken him so early. When Kenta turned, Kakashi noticed that he had something in his hand. He approached the bed and placed two filthy bags on the bottom of his bed.

“One of the scouting parties found these on their weekly run to the next village. I believe they could belong to you and Tenzō-san?”

Kakashi looked at the dark green backpacks, the red spirals on the front, faded and dirty. Kenta watched him quietly as Kakashi reached out and touched the wooden charm on one of them. “This is Tenzō's.”

“Shall I take it to his room?”

Kakashi shook his head as he played with the little wooden leaf charm. “I'll take it when I visit.”

Kenta just nodded and smiled. “I'll be back in an hour for your final treatment. I have others to see, but I wanted to give you them before I start my rounds.”

“Thank you Kenta-san. I appreciate that.”

Kakashi pushed Tenzō's backpack to the side and pulled his own up onto his knees. It was scuffed and the side pouch torn, but otherwise it was as he had left it. The buckle on one of the side pouches had snapped, and he opened it and pulled the contents onto the bed. Some scrolls rolled off onto the floor, followed by his favourite book that slid over the edge before he could catch it.

_At least I'll have something to read while I can't sleep_ , he thought.

He grinned when he found a fresh set of clothes neatly stashed in one of the large side pouches, happy he would no longer have to wear the hospital scrubs, or an annoying paper mask on his face. In the main body was his old blanket. It had seen better days, but it was like a thick, warm, well loved comforter and he threw it over his shoulders and drew it tight around him.

He reached in to see what else was in the bag, his fingers brushing over something that he had forgotten about. He pulled out the large, overstuffed envelope he had been saving for Tenzō and turned it in his hands. Inside the envelope was something that Kakashi had wanted to use to convince Tenzō to come home. But as he looked at it now, the contents of the envelope took on a whole other purpose.

Kakashi pushed everything to the bottom of the bed and climbed out. As he hastily pulled on his clothes, he kept staring at the envelope, hope beginning to shine once more in his darkened heart. Fully dressed in moments, he grabbed the envelope and raced from the room.

He knocked on Tenzō's room door, in case someone was attending to him. When no reply came, he opened the door and wandered in. Tenzō lay on his back, his eyes staring blindly up to the ceiling. Someone had already been in to attend to him; they had brushed Tenzō's hair out and smoothed it down around his face. It made him look more like himself and less like the lost soul he had become. He almost looked the same as he had when he first joined Kakashi's team in ANBU, all he really needed was his old faceplate to complete the look. Kakashi placed the envelope on Tenzō's legs, then pulled the visitors’ chair as close to the bed as he could.

“Tenzō, it's me,” he said as he sat down and took hold of Tenzō's hand. As usual, he waited to see if there was any sign of life before he continued. “They found our bags and brought them back for us. There was something in mine that I had forgotten about. I brought it for you, so that you would know how much you are loved and that you had a home to come back to.”

He squeezed Tenzō's hand then lifted the envelope, pulled the tab open, then upended the contents onto the bed. Many coloured pieces of paper and card, of all shapes and sizes, fell out and scattered about the bed. Tenzō's still form was covered in various handwritten messages.

“You've listened to me drone on for days now, Tenzō. It's time you heard from other people who love you. When they knew I was coming to search for you, they all wanted to ask you to come home.”

When Tenzō still did not stir, Kakashi reached forward and picked up the first note that came to hand. It was a bright pink, carefully folded piece of paper with a message written in neat handwriting. He knew without reading it who it was from.

“This one is from Sakura, Tenzō. _‘Dear Captain Yamato, please come home. I've missed your spooky face! (And your warm smile.) Many things have changed since you left, but the place won't be complete without you. Come home soon! Love, Sakura x’”_

The next was a piece of crumpled, lime green paper, with a large untidy scrawl that made him smile.

_“‘Dear captain Scary Pants. I miss seeing you around. Even if you do scare the crap out of me. I wouldn't be where I am today without your help. So, when you coming home to see me as Hokage? I always knew I'd look good in that hat! Naruto. Hokage.’_ He scribbled this at the bottom”--Kakashi laughed--”’ _Of Konoha.’”_

Kakashi continued, lifting each letter and reading it aloud for Tenzō, hoping that the words were getting through.

_“‘Yo, Yamato. Come home and stop your wandering. I've missed our sake nights. They are not the same without you. I won't challenge anyone other than you to a drinking contest. None of the rest of them can hold their liquor! Just you and me bud, best by far! Also Kakashi won't stop pining for you and he is driving everyone nuts. Come home pronto. Genma. PS. Bring a bottle with you when you come and we can party!’_ He’s made a couple of smiley faces, Tenzō, see? 

_“‘Tenzō, my brother.’_ Oh this can only be from Gai. _‘Come home and bring that youthful lust for life you are always brimming with. Together we can show the young ones what life is really about. Gai.’_ He writes the same as he speaks!

_“‘Hey Yamato, The village isn't the same without you. I have no one to moan to about Kakashi, he is driving me insane! But seriously, I'll admit I've been worrying about you. You took off so suddenly and we all miss you. Just, come home. Iruka.’_ So, he moans about me and you listen? I’m not sure how I feel about that!

_“‘Dear Captain Yamato, we wanted to let you know how much we missed you! When Sakura said she was writing, we just had to as well! You come home now, okay? Because, we really miss you! Ino.’_

_“‘Oh man, I hate writing messages, but, yeah, come home soon. Miss seeing you hanging around--especially anywhere Kakashi-sensei is. (Yeah, I've seen you, you dawg.) Shikamaru.’_ Oh really? Is that a fact, Tenzō?” Kakashi laughed.

_“‘Hey Captain Yamato! I never got to thank you for that package you sent. I have no idea how you make those dried fruit treats so sweet! So when you come back? You gotta show me, okay? See you soon! Chōji.’_

_“‘Pup said you were coming home. We all wanted a say.’_ Look, they all put their paw prints on it. _‘You're the only one pup has ever let in, and with you gone, he is miserable. And that makes us miserable too. Come back and make him smile again. Pakkun and the pack. PS. so you know, I wrote this with a brush in my mouth. It wasn't easy, so take that as a compliment.’_

_“‘Hey, Tenzō, get your butt back here, brat. Your little sidekick is so down he is tripping over his own self pity.’_ I’m beginning to see a theme here, Tenzō. _‘I miss seeing you around. But don't let that go to your head, as I also miss the sake I drank last night. Still, the place isn't the same without you. Get yourself back here before I send Ibiki after you. Tsunade.’_ Mah, Ibiki’s not so bad.

_“‘Tenzō, when are you coming back? I've been missing your jokes. Believe it or not, you're the only person alive that can make me genuinely laugh. I also miss watching you and Genma's in the drinking contests on sake night. He's no fun without you, says he won't challenge anyone except you. You always were a funny drunk. And, I need your help keeping Kakashi in check, I have my hands full with him.. Come home soon, Ibiki’_ See? What did I tell you, eh? And why is it that everyone seems to think I’m a handful without you around? Actually, that should tell you something, Tenzō. I’m nothing but misery without you.

_“‘Yo Tenzō, Yugao here. I don't care for the reasons you left, but there are many reasons you should come back. People keep asking for you and I don't have an answer for them. You have no idea how much you are missed. I always enjoyed our late night conversations on top of Hokage Monument, and I miss them. When I was down, you were always there and always knew just the right thing to say, no matter the problem. I miss you, you long haired freak. Come on home, I'll be waiting!’_ Freak? She’s the freak. I rather like your hair.”

Kakashi spoke for hours, breaking only for his treatment session with Kenta. He read every word on every piece of paper. He held up every reminder before Tenzō's eyes; from a bag of sweets from Chōji, to the feather amulet made by Hinata.

Some of the letters made him laugh and some made him cry. Each letter was written with one goal in mind: to let Tenzō know how much he was missed and how much he was loved. Kakashi had never read them all before and felt overwhelmed by the fondness expressed in every one of them.

Night was fast approaching when Kakashi lifted the final letter. He didn't open it as he already knew what was written on the worn paper. He turned it in his fingers, trying to decide whether he should read it out or leave the message unread. It was the one that he himself had written for Tenzō. It was nothing groundbreaking, there was nothing written on it that he hadn't said before. But he had such trouble saying what he wanted that, when he did eventually finish, it looked like a child's homework. Still, it held all that Tenzō needed to know and he decided not to read it. Instead, he placed it on Tenzō's chest and rested his hand there.

“That's one you have to read yourself, Tenzō.”

He kept his hand there, right over Tenzō's heart and studied his face. All he wished for was for some sign that any of the messages had made it through. Something, anything to show him that Tenzō had heard the words that people wanted him to hear. But Tenzō continued to stare blindly ahead, seemingly ignorant of Kakashi having spoken or his presence.

Kakashi's eyes smarted, tired from all the reading and tears. His mind slowed, the excitement of the envelope long having left him. He felt dog tired, but didn't want to go back to his lonely room just yet. So he adjusted his chair and leaned on Tenzō's bed. He bent his arm and rested his head on it, just wanting to sit quietly by Tenzō's side for a while. He kept his other arm where it was, finding some small comfort in the rise and fall of Tenzō's chest. He closed his heavy eyelids and sighed.

It had been an emotional day, reading what others thought of Tenzō. It hurt Kakashi to know that the man the messages were intended for would never know how much he was loved and missed. In the quietness of Tenzō's room, Kakashi fell fast asleep.

No nightmares spoiled his impromptu rest, and while lost in his dreams, he failed to notice that which he had been searching for.

The signs that Kakashi had desperately hoped to see, flickered over Tenzō's frozen features. Eyes blinked, pupils reacted, muscles twitched.

Oblivious, Kakashi slept on, unaware that Tenzō was beginning to waken.

 

_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? Are you happy or not? ;)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are at the penultimate chapter. It has been a long road for Tenzō and Kakashi.   
> From here, their future is set. No matter the outcome, it was Tenzō's decision...it always was his decision. I had no say in it, he was quite adamant. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine as this is unbeta'd. 
> 
> A huge thanks to all for comments and such, truly appreciate it! I hope you enjoy it :)

Tenzō lived in a dream world, moving between three different realities, none of which he could identify as his own. He cycled through them, spending various lengths of time in each, never really knowing which one was real.

There was the Village, in which he walked the streets of Konoha. The Wilderness, in which he would wander for miles, content to just keep going forward. Then, there was The Room. This was the reality he disliked the most. It was a bizarre world and the only one in which he could actually feel.

In the other realities, he often found himself unconcerned as to why his life was entwined in three different locations. He walked them in an apathetic haze; unfeeling and detached from his surroundings. But The Room was an alarming place of confusion. While there, he felt dark memories rise to the surface and was overcome by such raw emotions that it made him choke and fervently wish to leave. When he cycled out of The Room, he would return to one of the other two realities and continue to live without feeling or care. Unfortunately, The Room seemed to be cycling round more often and he despaired whenever he entered the hateful existence.

He was in The Room now, confused and drowning in emotions from which he could not escape. He lay on a bed, his surroundings blurred and indistinct as if he was looking through obscured glass. What appeared to be people often hovered around him. They moved so fast, flitting in and out of his visual field as little more than dark shadows with no discernible features. When they spoke, their voices were a high pitched squeaking, too fast for him to understand. Adding to the effect, Tenzō’s own movements felt so glacially slow as to be non existent. He was unable to communicate with the fast moving shadows as his words were not strong or fast enough to be heard by them.

Tenzō recognized and understood very little. His mind cried with fear and struggled to make sense of his surroundings and the torrent of emotions he experienced there. He felt a strange detachment from this environment. It was if he existed in The Room, but was completely out of phase with it.

He was relieved when everything darkened. The realities shifted and he found himself back in the Village. He wandered through the bustling crowd in the busy centre on Market street. With the strangeness of the room forgotten, Tenzō relaxed as his mind slowed considerably and he lost himself once more in a state of weary indifference. But it soon became apparent that something was different. Normally so welcoming, the Village felt strange and forbidding. No one seemed to notice him, even when he waved his hand in front of their faces. People looked through him, not at him. Tenzō’s apathy evaporated and he began to feel uneasy.

Thick storm clouds rolled across the sky, hiding the sun and turning the air cold. Tenzō shivered as he looked around, noticing that the people who had been rushing about a few moments before, had vanished. The village was empty. It felt alien and unnerving. He had never seen it like this and an icy fear spread through him. This was not his home. It wasn't Konoha at all. It looked like the village, but it wasn't.

He noticed a man appear from a side street, walking purposely towards him. He looked a little like a man Tenzō once knew. Tall with a shock of unruly silver hair, he wore a mask, just like the man he resembled. But that was where the similarities ended. His jawline was more square, his eyes larger and darker. He stopped a few feet in front of Tenzō and sighed.

“This isn’t your home, Tenzō. But this, might help you find your way back where you belong.” The man handed Tenzō a crumpled piece of paper.

“Yōkai?”

The man's eyes curved in a smile as he nodded his head. “I am Yōkai. But you don't need me anymore, Tenzō. The one you need, is waiting for you.”

Tenzō pulled the note open and flattened the paper between his hands.

_Tenzō...it was always me...don't leave me...not like this..._

The message didn't make any sense. Who had written it? He turned it over to see if there was anything else and nearly dropped it in alarm. There was a message written on the reverse of the paper. Thick, angry black letters were scored there as if written in haste.

_This is not real! WAKE UP!_

Tenzō was pulled instantly back to The Room, only this time he was laying on his side. A dark shadow moved beside him, rapidly speaking as it held a hand to his head. He felt something brush his mind and shuddered within himself. The hand was removed and the shadow spoke, but all he heard was high pitched squeaking and he failed to understand its words. Then the shadow disappeared, as did the entire room.

He wandered through the Wilderness, stuck there until his realities cycled again. He was not sure which reality was real, but for some reason, he wanted to be in the most terrifying one. For reasons he could not fathom, Tenzō wanted to be where the shadows were and felt himself being drawn there. He heard a chuckle beside him and turned to see Yōkai, walking by his side. The man had changed. His hair was shorter and darker than before. His eyes were a slightly different shape.

“Not long now, Tenzō.” Yōkai said, his voice lower in tone. “Not long now.”

“Until what?”

Yōkai just chuckled again and held out his hand, within which was another note. Tenzō stared at it, afraid to see what was written upon its smooth surface.

“Read it, Tenzō. It will be over soon.”

Tenzō took the note and opened it slowly. The words written were clearer than before, delicately written in a tidy script.

_Tenzō...come back to me...I want to take you home._

His hand shook as he turned the note over. His mind was changing. Thoughts formed and slipped into place where before they had only been a jumbled mess which he ignored. On the back of the note, in the same angry black writing as before, was another message.

_THIS IS NOT REAL! YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP!_

Again, he was pulled back into The Room, away from Yōkai and the wilderness. The room was less blurred than before and he could tell that he was laying in his side, staring at a wall. Something moved in his vision as a shadow stood before him. This time, it was more recognisable as a person and Tenzō wondered who it was. He felt his body being turned onto his back and became aware of a second person at the other side of his bed.

He felt a damp cloth press against his skin and wash his face, then a soft fresh towel wiped it dry. This continued until his whole body was washed, dried and dressed. Someone was caring for him, but why? He felt a tugging at his head and realised that his hair was being brushed. All of these sensations were external to himself and it felt strange. No matter what reality he found himself in, he had always felt disconnected from everything.

But here, he felt an attachment and that meant that he had some tentative tie to this place. With a rush of understanding, Tenzō realised that he belonged in this reality. This was where he really existed, laying on a bed in some unknown location with people caring for him. With this knowledge came a rush of intense feelings of fear, guilt and terrible shame. There was something in his true reality that he had to face up to, something so terrible that as soon as he recognised this fact, his mind clamped down and he fled within himself.

He found himself back in the Village. Night had fallen and a single light shone in the very centre of Market street. Tenzō looked around, seeing nothing but darkness surrounding him. It was as if nothing else existed outwith the downcast light, as though the village had slowly disappeared until all that was left was the light and the ground it lit.

He heard a shuffling sound in the darkness and watched as Yōkai wandered into the light. Again, he had changed. He seemed familiar, but in a different way than before. His hair was dark, his eyes even darker. He was slightly smaller, more similar in height to Tenzō himself.

“It is time, Tenzō. You have to let go and return.” Yōkai said, smiling.

“Return where, Yōkai? Where am I meant to go? What am I meant to do without you?!”

Yōkai laughed and clamped a hand on Tenzō’s shoulder. “Open your eyes, Tenzō. See me for who I am.”

Tenzō frowned, his brows knitting together in confusion until a shocked gasp burst from his open mouth and he finally saw who this Yōkai really was. He stared at a copy of himself, dressed in his old Jōnin uniform, the face protector square on his face. His hair was short and tidy as it had been when he left Konoha. He looked happy and untroubled, as if this version of himself had never endured the suffering Tenzō had throughout life. He looked at Tenzō with a warm smile.

“You got lost within yourself a long time ago, forgot who you were, forgot about me. I am the part of you that you pushed aside when you felt unworthy of happiness. But you need to reclaim your identity, Tenzō. You know this, otherwise we would not be here. You have to believe in yourself and find the courage and strength lost within you. Only then, can you heal.”

His copy held out a hand, one final note clasped within it. Tenzō took the note, seeing that it was larger than the others and that there were many more words written upon it. As he read it, he became aware of a voice that seemed to echo around him. His other self nodded and chuckled as if this was a good thing.

The disembodied voice spoke the same words that Tenzō read. As the voice continued, a low thumping noise began to sound. It was a steady beating that grew in strength until Tenzō could identify it as a heartbeat. With every beat, the light above them flickered and grew dim.

“...the place won't be complete without you. Come home...”

“...I wouldn't be where I am today without your help...”

“...Just you and me bud, best by far!”

The light faded until he could barely see the words on the paper and when Tenzō looked up, he could only just make out his copy’s face in the increasing darkness. He seemed very happy, jubilant almost, as if something had happened that Tenzō did not understand. The heartbeat got louder and Tenzō realized that it was his own heart beat and the voice was external to him. It was not a construct of his mind.

He stared at his other self, finally understanding what was actually happening. The sound of his heartbeat quickened and the voice pulled at him endlessly. He could feel himself leaving this fading reality and his copy nodded then held out a hand to touch Tenzō's forehead.

“Go home, Tenzō. Find the help you need, and live.”

The copy exploded into a hundred tiny lights that danced in the darkness. The lights began to swirl and combined to become a glowing mass that settled over Tenzō and slowly pressed through his skin, becoming part of him.

As if he had just found a fragment of himself that he had misplaced, Tenzō felt his mind become complete. That fragment of himself opened up the things he had pushed aside for many years. All the needs, wishes, desires and happiness that he wanted for himself suddenly became important to him.

He wanted to be happy and not feel guilty about smiling and enjoying himself. He wanted to see his friends and Konoha again. He wanted to love and be loved in return. He wanted to laugh and not chastise himself for feeling joy. He wanted to create things, build things and not feel like it was a chore or a punishment. He wanted to put the past behind him and move forward with his life.

_I want to live!_

Like a firework exploding within his skull, Tenzō came crashing back to himself and the world. The immense wave of consciousness caused him to snap back into reality, but the massive barrage of information left him stunned.

The overload stalled his mind and Tenzō could neither move nor speak. He could not even begin to fathom the mechanics of his own body. So he lay there, listening to the voice that was so clear now it pulled him fully from his internal cocoon.

“...don't you see? You left behind a family you had no idea you had, Tenzō. They are all waiting for you to come home. I...I'll wait on you, forever if I have to.”

As Tenzō’s mind consolidated, he heard a rustling noise as the voice stopped speaking. For a moment, the room was silent and Tenzō heard nothing but the sound of his heartbeating loudly in his ears. Then he felt pressure; a hand pressed over his heart. He felt the tingle of chakra connecting with the other and recognition almost scrambled his mind once more.

_Kakashi._

“That's one you have to read yourself, Tenzō.”

He felt the bed move slightly as Kakashi leaned onto it. He then understood the pressure on his chest to be Kakashi’s arm draped over him. Something told Tenzō it was impossible, that Kakashi shouldn't be there and the reason was tied to the guilt that weighed so heavily on his heart. But the part of his mind that knew why he should feel that guilt and shame was reluctant to open fully. Tenzō forgot about it for a moment and just concentrated on waking up.

He managed to blink his eyes and everything around him came rushing into view. He blinked again and things rushed into focus. Not a detail was lost on him; from the spider in the corner of the ceiling to the dead flies in the light above his head. His face twitched as he tried to move his head. His muscles quivered when he tried to move his arm. He felt weak and drained, but slowly and surely, Tenzō regained command of his own body. He drew in a long deep breath and finally, his head moved when he asked it to.

His eyes widened in surprise when he saw that Kakashi was right beside him, sleeping peacefully. His head lay next to Tenzō’s shoulder, resting on his own arm which was curled beneath him. His eyes rolled lazily behind his closed eyelids. He stirred in his sleep and rubbed his forehead on Tenzō’s shoulder then stilled again. Kakashi began to emit a soft purring snore and Tenzō chuckled softly, his chest vibrating with the quiet sound.

The snoring immediately stopped and Tenzō felt the arm over his chest tighten. Then the fingers of the hand over his heart splayed out, as if feeling for Tenzō’s heart beat. Kakashi raised his head so very slowly, as if he was scared to actually look at Tenzō. When their eyes finally met, Tenzō smiled, bewildered at the astonished look on Kakashi's face.

For a few moments, they just stared at each other. Kakashi seemed to want to say something but couldn't, his head shaking slightly as his eyes bored into Tenzō's. He took his arm from Tenzō’s chest, forced something in his pocket before abruptly getting to his feet. The chair he had been sitting on fell onto its side and Kakashi just stood there, staring at Tenzō as if he might disappear.

“Tenzō? Oh Gods. Tenzō! I thought I’d lost you!”

Tenzō laughed, wondering why Kakashi was acting the way he was. Kakashi leaned on the edge of the bed with one hand, the other held over his abdomen. It was then that Tenzō felt that closed off part of his mind begin to slide open. His laughter died as he noted the dark circles beneath Kakashi’s eyes and how he held himself; protective of his stomach. Memories shifted and he felt such fear and horror that he cringed back when Kakashi leaned towards him.

“Oh no...no...nonono!”

Now he knew why he had left this hated reality to begin with and he wanted nothing to do with this real world. He tried to claw his way back into himself, unsuccessfully attempting to disappear back into his own mind. Tenzō stared at Kakashi’s stomach, horrified as the dark memory of killing him resurfaced in all its brutally detailed glory. He cried out in fear. This wasn't Kakashi, it couldn’t possibly be. It had to be another illusion!

_I killed...Kakashi? I..._

Tenzō’s mind convulsed violently and he tried to push the memory away while heaving in loud panicked breaths. Kakashi reached for him, saying everything was okay, but Tenzō shook his head.

“No no no! I don't want to remember! I don’t want to...you’re dead! And...and.. _.I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER KILLING YOU!”_

He struggled in the bed, so weak and uncoordinated he could hardly raise his hands to push the illusion away. But he felt hands grab his own and crush them to his chest. An arm reached behind his back and pulled him into a tight embrace. Tenzō let out a long wavering moan, unable to escape the hold of the illusion. But the arms around him were solid and real and so comforting.

“Please...I don’t want to remember _...killing...you_!”

The arms released him, but he felt two warm and very real hands cup his face. They guided his head until he faced the wicked illusion. He dragged his eyes from it, closing them tightly as he cried in misery.

“No no no! Tenzō no! I’m real, I’m here and I’m alive. Tenzō, look at me!” Kakashi insisted.

Tenzō struggled, tearing futilely at the hands which held his face so firmly. He kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut, moaning and crying and wishing he had never woke up in this awful world in which Kakashi no longer lived.

“Don't disappear on me again! I can't watch you fade away, Tenzō. I wont allow you to! I won't lose you again, you hear me! Look at me, Tenzō. You've got to believe I’m real! Look at me!”

Tenzō opened his eyes when he heard Kakashi's voice break. He looked straight into worried eyes, brimming with tears. He searched for the lie, waited on the cruel reveal that would show him this was all in his mind. Kakashi held his gaze, his hands never leaving the sides of his face, ensuring that Tenzō continued to see him.

“You've got to believe, Tenzō. Just look, okay? Look.”

Kakashi released Tenzō’s face and slowly pulled away. He watched Tenzō intently as he raised his shirt, revealing the large dressing that covered the horrible wound that Tenzō was sure should have killed him. Kakashi reached forward and took hold of Tenzō’s hand, then flattened it over the dressing. He held it there as Tenzō whimpered, feeling the heat radiating beneath his hand.

_It’s real._

Then Kakashi clasped Tenzō’s hand tightly in his own and raised it to cover his heart. Tenzō felt Kakashi’s heart beating away, strong, healthy and true.

_He’s real._

“Tenzō.” Kakashi said quietly and Tenzō raised his eyes to look at him. His expression was of concern, but there was a determined look in his eyes. “I’m alive,Tenzō, and as real as you are.” Kakashi pulled his shirt back down, refusing to let go of Tenzō’s hand.

“Kakashi-senpai.” Tenzō whispered, the last of his doubts fading away. His lip trembled as he fought to hold back tears. “I'm so sorry senpai! I didn't mean--”

Kakashi moved quickly and pulled him into his arms, holding Tenzō so tightly that he silenced his words. Tenzō leaned heavily into him, burying his head in Kakashi's shoulder. Knowing real from imagined, he gripped Kakashi tightly as he allowed himself to grieve. Kakashi smoothed down his hair and spoke soft words of comfort as Tenzō cried so hard it hurt his chest and burned his throat.

“It’s okay, Tenzō. It’s okay. Shhh...everything’s going to be okay.”

Tenzō wept until his eyes were red and swollen and to exhaustion. He sobbed quietly between hitched breaths and barely noticed when Kakashi moved him across the bed. He hardly stirred when Kakashi squeezed himself into the small space beside him and pulled the covers up over them. Letters and notes fell from the bed, fluttering to the floor forgotten.

When Kakashi snaked his arm behind his neck, Tenzō automatically moved himself closer and rested his head on Kakashi’s chest. He just lay there, listening to the sound of Kakashi’s heart beating strongly. Tenzō had not felt so safe and content for such a long time and pulled himself even closer until he was pressed tightly against Kakashi’s side. This was real. Tenzō knew that without a doubt in his mind. Kakashi was real and alive and right beside him.

Kakashi tightened his arms around him and Tenzō felt him softly kiss the top of his head. “I love you.” He whispered, making Tenzō's heart skip a beat. “I've always loved you and, I always will.”

Tenzō raised his head to look at Kakashi. He reached up and tugged down his mask, then studied the face he never thought he would ever see again. He ran his fingers over every line and every scar, loving every blemish that marred that beautiful face. He stared into the eyes that looked back at him with such love it almost made Tenzō’s heart burst.

In a moment of nervous courage, Tenzō took a deep breath and spoke words he never thought he ever would. “I need your help, senpai.” He whispered. “I’m...”

The words choked him silent. Admitting he was in need of help terrified him. Shinobi were not meant to act like this. Someone of his calibre was not meant to break. He felt a wave of shame flow through his body and he pulled away from Kakashi. He was too afraid to continue for fear of losing him, and whatever little respect the man might still have for him. But Kakashi held him tighter then took hold of Tenzō’s chin and raised his head. Tenzō found it impossible to look away from that serious yet passionate gaze.

“I know, Tenzō.” Kakashi said as he gently stroked Tenzō’s cheek. “I know.”

Tenzō just stared at him, fresh tears forming in his eyes. Of course Kakashi knew. He had followed Tenzō for weeks, listening to his angry rants, watching him speak to his hallucinations. He had allowed Tenzō to shout at him, hate him and pretend he was some kind of weird spirit that looked like him. He had lived through Tenzō’s attempt to kill him, had survived one of Tenzō’s most vicious psychotic episodes.

“But, you’re still here?”

“Of course I am. I promised, I’ll never leave you.”

“You will help me?”

“I’ll do anything for you. Whatever it takes.”

Tenzō’s heart thudded painfully in his chest. Despite everything that had happened, Kakashi was still willing to be by his side. It was more than Tenzō could have hoped for. For a long time he had felt himself undeserving of many things, but as he bathed in the love that shone from Kakashi’s eyes, Tenzō dared to want more.

“Will you take me home, senpai?”

Kakashi reached into his pocket and pulled out the item he had put there earlier. It was a worn and creased piece of paper. He opened it out and handed it to Tenzō. It had clearly been rewritten many times. Lengthy passages were scribbled over. Words were deleted and then great lines scored through everything, except four short lines.

_My dearest Tenzō._  
_Please come home._  
_Alone, I am nothing._  
_All my love, Kakashi._

“I searched months for you, just to bring you home. I drank in every filthy bar in every backwater little village, just to bring you home. Even if I have to carry you the full way, my beautiful Tenzō, I will take you home.”

 

_To be concluded..._


	14. Bonus Chapter. This is not the end...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I want it all written." 
> 
> "Kakashi, I can't tell it all in one chapter!"
> 
> "Then write another."
> 
> "I've already told everyone that this is the last chapter!"
> 
> "I don't care! Write another chapter."
> 
> "Kakashi, no."
> 
> "Another chapter would be nice, Dragon." 
> 
> "Oh not you too, Tenzō!"
> 
> *Tenzō and Kakashi both pull their best puppy dog eyes*
> 
> Oh well...bonus chapter it is. Next chapter will DEFINITELY be the last one....

In the days that followed, Makoto spent many hours working with Tenzō. She used her speciality, not to restrain him as she had Kakashi, but to unlock his fears and help him face them. There was not a person--med nin or otherwise--that could cure mental illness, but she taught both Tenzō and Kakashi ways to cope with the problems they faced.

“You already took the first step towards healing by choosing to come back to the world, Tenzō-san.” Makoto said on what was to be their final session. “You made that choice to come back. Hopefully one day this will all be but a memory and you will come to realize just how strong you are.”

Makoto took the time to explain Tenzō's condition and give them coping strategies to help them during a crisis. But it was her jutsu itself that made the sessions so interesting. When Tenzō admitted that Kakashi could be the only one that might be able to help him reclaim his sanity, Makoto latched onto it. With permission from them both, she used her jutsu to guide them. It became clear why Kenta was so proud of Makoto's abilities. She did things very differently from Konoha sensory nin. Kakashi had heard many speak of long uncomfortable sessions with sensory nins, but Makoto simply used her jutsu to link the three of their minds together.

It wasn't a complete link. None of them had full access the other linked minds, but the link allowed a transfer of information pertinent to their situation. She sat them together and placed a hand on their foreheads. Makoto acted as a bridge between the two of them when she activated her jutsu, allowing them to experience the troubles of the other.

In doing this, she created a bond between them more profound than either man had ever experienced, but that did not mean it was necessarily pleasant. In fact, a lot of the information passed between them made for rather uncomfortable viewing. It gave the recipient first hand experience of the memories that flowed through the link.

Kakashi caught a brief glimpse of the awful abuse that Tenzō had suffered throughout his life and how it affected him even now. He was able to see how Tenzō viewed himself and his thoughts on how others viewed him. It all left Kakashi with feelings of unworthiness, self loathing and acute loneliness. It affected him so badly that the session had to be stopped to allow him to pull himself together. His understanding of how Tenzō viewed the world and his place in it, left Kakashi questioning his own part in his friend’s suffering.

“You have only seen a tiny glimpse of what Tenzō has suffered.” Makoto berated him. “It is not for you to wallow in, but to understand and help him come to terms with it.”

Kakashi was also allowed to see the things that haunted Tenzō's every day thoughts, ending with what he had witnessed on the hilltop. All he had seen that day was Tenzō running scared from nothing, but what he saw through the link left him quite shaken. The hallucinations that terrified Tenzō so much and the feelings tied to them, left Kakashi breathless and trembling with fear. He felt the heat from the flames as the giant snake burned before him. Terror tore through his mind as Orochimaru advanced and he had to suppress an urge to cry out when the evil man laughed and reached for him. The experience had been as real for Kakashi as it had been for Tenzō that day on the hilltop.

Kakashi found himself unable to speak and Makoto called time on the session to allow them both to assimilate what was now a shared memory. She retreated to the corner of the room to give them space, silently watching their interaction. When Kakashi looked to Tenzō, he saw him staring at the floor as he nervously played with his fingers. Tenzō was clearly anxious over how Kakashi might react, but he never would have imagined the impact the images would have.

“That is what you saw?” Kakashi asked when he finally calmed down. “What you have been feeling all this time?”

Tenzō simply nodded, continuing to play with his fingers while refusing to look up. It was clear that he was ashamed. Kakashi was sure that Tenzō would think his fears were nothing to him. But Tenzō was wrong.

“How did you deal with it for so long? I...Why did you never tell someone?!”

“We are shinobi, senpai. We do not break.”

Kakashi felt a surge of anger rise within him at Tenzō's words. He took Tenzō by the shoulders and forced him to face him. “No one, and I mean _no_ one, could suffer that and not break, Tenzō. I've only seen a tiny part of what you have gone through and _I'm_ terrified. I'd go so far as to say Ibiki would fail under such conditions.”

Tenzō did not believe him. It was evident by the skeptical look on his face and his derisive chuckle. “You don't have to try and make me feel better, senpai. I know that's not true.”

“Tenzō, everyone has their breaking point. You are not alone in that regard. But what you have suffered and for how long is...astounding. I can't believe you didn't break long ago, I know I would have. Seriously, you are the strongest person I've ever met and I'm not saying that to make you feel better. Look at you! All this time you have lived with this and only now, after years of abuse, did you break. I'm sure the only reason you did was because you were alone. You won't be alone again, Tenzō. I'll make sure you never break again.”

“You can't say that. You have no idea how this..this...cursed thing works! I might wake in the middle of the night and kill you! I might go berserk one day and slaughter half the village! I might...I could...” Tenzō's words trailed off as his eyes came to a rest on Kakashi's stomach. He bit his bottom lip and looked away while shaking his head.

Kakashi reached forward and took hold of Tenzō's hands then waited until he looked back before continuing. “No. That will never happen. I believe in you and you have to believe in yourself. But if you can't believe in yourself just yet, then believe in me. I’ll be your grounding. I’ll be your support. I'll never leave you and I will hold you up when you fail. We can do this, Tenzō.”

Silence fell and Makoto returned to sit with them. “I think it's time we continued. I'm sure Kakashi-san would like you to see his point of view, Tenzō-san.”

Kakashi nodded vigorously as he pulled his chair closer to Tenzō, determined to prove he was not merely placating him. The very instant that Makoto linked them together, Tenzō gasped and went rigid in his seat. Alarmed, Kakashi looked to Makoto but she shook her head, refusing to drop the jutsu.

Tenzō's eyes darted back and forth as he viewed the short burst of images and emotions through the link. He felt Kakashi's grief at having been left behind and the great loss he felt when Tsunade gave him the news that Tenzō had left the village. He felt Kakashi’s elation on the night he had found him by the lakeside. Tenzō was astounded by the way Kakashi viewed him and how much he really cared for him. Every time Tenzō succumbed to the visions in his mind, Kakashi had felt fear and concern for him. Kakashi’s burning desire to help and frustration at not being able to, was painfully evident and let Tenzō see how very deeply Kakashi loved him. He experienced the shock, pain and hurt that Kakashi had endured for him the past few weeks. But he also felt the love, the longing and the passion, as well as the unending admiration and respect that Kakashi held for him. It left Tenzō in shocked silence, staring at Kakashi in awe.

Makoto glanced at Kakashi with a questioning look. He shook his head at first, then sighed loudly and eventually nodded. Tenzō guessed that Makoto had asked a question through the link that he himself was not aware of. Kakashi fidgeted in his chair as the link took a darker more disquieting turn. Tenzō's eyes suddenly burned with shameful tears as he recognized how his very presence now affected Kakashi. He felt the tingle of fear that Kakashi now experienced in Tenzō’s company as a result of the incident on the hilltop. Snippets of terrible nightmares and flashbacks poured through the link and Tenzō had a suspicion these were something that Kakashi had been hiding from everyone. He felt the twinge of wariness that blossomed every time Kakashi felt pain in his presence. Tenzō felt his senpai's utter shame at his own weakness. When the link was severed, both men sat quietly trying to absorb everything they had shared.

“Tenzō-san. What did that last thought from Kakashi show you?”

Tenzō was surprisingly calm. He even had the smallest hint of a smile on his lips and Kakashi did not understand why.

“It showed me that I’m not alone. Anyone can feel fear, even the great man I respect the most.”

Kakashi's initial reluctance to admit his current weakness had show Tenzō that anyone really could fail at times. It showed him that no matter how great you might think a person is, they could still experience moments of weakness just like any other human on the planet. For Kakashi, it showed how very easy it could be to get lost and bogged down with such thoughts and how it could lead to the situation Tenzō now experienced.

They both had a new understanding of each other. With thoughts completely untouched by preconceptions and wrongful beliefs, the bond had allowed them to fully accept the others truths while accepting that neither of them were perfect. Makoto helped them face their fears, trust each other and accept their problems. In doing so, she had helped set them on a path forward that only they could travel. But with her guidance, Makoto was sure that they would make it to their destination intact.

It was with some reluctance and sadness that they left Iyashimura a few days later. They felt that they could never repay either Kenta or Makoto for all of their help. Words just didn't seem enough. But both the nin said that the satisfaction of just seeing them back on their feet and going home was enough. So it was that Kakashi and Tenzō promised to return a year from the day they left, so that they could repay them properly.

 

0o0o0o0o0

 

They had been on the road for two weeks, leisurely walking their way back to Konoha. There was no hurry and both of them were content to take their time. They enjoyed each others company and utilized the long hours to get used to living together. Even though they had lived together in the weeks prior to ending up in Iyashimura, it didn't quite count. Tenzō had not believed Kakashi to be real and Kakashi has spent those days as little more than a shadow following Tenzō around. Now, they were together in a different and much more pleasant way. It was almost as if they had never been apart. But they were not lovers. Not quite yet.

Both of them felt that they had enough to be dealing with without the added pressure of a relationship. They were both aware of each others feelings though no loving words were spoken between them. It was a mutual pact they had silently made, never voicing a word about their future. The time to become partners just did not seem to be important at present. Perhaps once they were both home things would change. In the meantime, they were simply traveling companions and both were content to be so. At least, Kakashi pretended he was. With everything that had happened, he gained a new appreciation of how short love and life really was. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He wanted a life with Tenzō and to build a home with him. But knowing that Tenzō was not quite ready to look at their situation, Kakashi kept his thoughts to himself.

They had been traveling since late afternoon after stopping for lunch in a small village north of Iyashimura. It was getting late and time they found shelter for the night. Eventually, they came across the glade where Tenzō's sculptures still stood proudly amongst the tall grass. While it was as beautiful as it had been on the nights they had stayed there, Kakashi knew better than to suggest they stop there for the night.

Now that he knew exactly what to look for, the signs were easy to see. Whenever something began to play on Tenzō's mind, a barely noticeable twitch would tug his shoulders and he would dip his head. These were the only signs that he was in crisis and it was little wonder that Kakashi had taken so long to recognize them. But then, Tenzō had always been good at hiding things. For someone who had hid himself and his abilities from a young age, concealing an invisible affliction would be easy.

With Kakashi's keen eyes tuned into them now, he saw the minute twitch of Tenzō's shoulders as they walked past the glade. Kakashi readied himself to help Tenzō through whatever it was that currently affected him.

“You are safe, Tenzō.” He said quietly, repeating the phrase they had both agreed on during sessions with Makoto.

“I know.” Tenzō mumbled as he continued walking.

“What is it?”

“Just a shadow.”

While Makoto had managed to help Tenzō past true hallucinations, he was left with shadows that flickered around him. He told Kakashi that they were similar to how they had presented when he first saw them months before. Kakashi felt this was a good thing. If the hallucinations were taking a backward step in their manifestation, then perhaps one day they would disappear entirely. They appeared to be almost a flight or fight response now, something that made Tenzō stay clear of things that affected him. Makoto had called them triggers. She explained that they could be anything at all. A sound, a smell, a sight or even a specific phrase. When a trigger presented itself, how it was dealt with was very important.

Kakashi saw the way that Tenzō averted his eyes from all that he had created. He got the sense that the sculptures had become a trigger that could pull Tenzō back into the darkness. He positioned himself to Tenzō's left side, using his own body to shield some of the view as they passed by. Tenzō's hands continually pulled into fists then relaxed. It was another technique that Makoto had taught him; physical repetition focused the mind on something other than what scared it.

The entire situation reminded Kakashi of the fact that Tenzō had not once used or spoken of his mokuton since he had woken. Since beginning their journey home, they had spent nights either in the open, in old shelters or in paid lodgings. The mokuton, it seemed, had become a trigger itself. It was something that Kakashi would have to accept, though it saddened him. The mokuton had probably been a trigger for a very long time and it pained Kakashi that he would never see the joy of creation on Tenzō's face again. But he had Tenzō. The mokuton could disappear forever and he would still be grateful to have Tenzō back in his life.

Night had long fallen when they eventually approached the village in which they had unknowingly passed each other weeks before. The shelter that Tenzō had built back then was perfectly solid and ideal to sleep in, but it was a little cramped. Built for the use of one person, they had no choice but to make the best of a somewhat awkward situation. They had not been sleeping together, had not even broached the subject of their future with each other.

As they settled for the night, things proved to be uncomfortable at first. The cramped space made body contact an inevitability and they chose to lay down back to back. Sleep came quickly to Kakashi as it had done since their journey home began. Both of them still had some weakness in their bodies, Kakashi especially so. The tremor from the poison still affected him somewhat. He tried to hide it but Tenzō was aware of it, which was why he didn't push to go far between stops as he had before.

It was in the early hours of the morning that the nightmare hit. Kakashi moaned in his sleep as he dreamed, unaware that Tenzō was still awake and heard him. Different from his recent nightmares, it had little to do with the incident on the hilltop. While he was still wounded, it was not that which caused him to moan and his body twitch.

In his nightmare, he was chasing after Tenzō who was walking ahead of him. Kakashi's hands were holding his stomach together as his blood poured through his fingers and left a ghastly trail behind him. He shouted Tenzō's name but he just seemed to speed up, distancing himself from Kakashi. The more he walked, the further away Tenzō appeared to become no matter how fast he traveled. Kakashi came to a stop and collapsed to the ground, calling Tenzō's name as he disappeared into the distance. He was alone. So very alone and dying, but all he could think about was losing Tenzō.

His eyes sprang open when he felt a hand shake his shoulder. He wiped the sweat from his face and turned onto his back. He was not sure what had made Tenzō waken him, but he was glad to be free of the nightmare.

“Sorry if I woke you.” He said as he rubbed his eyes.

Tenzō leaned up on his elbows and shook his head. “It's fine, I wasn't really sleeping anyway.”

They were so close, their bodies touching, yet Kakashi felt as if Tenzō was a million miles away. Right then, the significance of his nightmare hit him. All that Kakashi wanted was some sign that their relationship was to be more that just a friendship. In his nightmare he saw Tenzō getting further away as he lay dying and it clearly revealed his fear of losing Tenzō. It made him realize that if he ever lost him again, it would destroy him.

“Senpai?”

“Hmm?”

“You know I will never leave you again, right?”

Kakashi looked away, realizing he must have been talking in his sleep. The words were the same that he had spoken so often to reassure Tenzō. Yet Kakashi found that he now needed reassurance and that disturbed him. He felt so vulnerable and he did not like it one bit. He was meant to be Tenzō's rock and support. He was meant to be the strong one. Yet there he was dreaming of being alone and having Tenzō attempt to comfort him. It made him feel embarrassed and he just closed his eyes and refused to reply. He felt a hand lightly touch his face and while he didn’t want to, he opened his eyes and turned back to Tenzō, hoping that he appeared more composed than he felt.

“I'll never leave you, senpai.” Tenzō said with earnest as he stroked Kakashi’s cheek.

Kakashi smiled then sighed with relief and stretched out his arm in invitation. Tenzō returned the smile then snuggled up beside him, draping an arm over Kakashi's chest as he rested his head on his shoulder. They lay there in each others arms, lost in thoughts of the other and what was to become of them. They could not know it, but they both thought and wanted the same things. Their future together was determined, they just didn’t realize it yet. But as Tenzō's breathing slowed and fell into a sleeping rhythm, Kakashi understood that Tenzō was showing him all he needed to know. The fact that Tenzō was willing and able to sleep happily by his side, spoke volumes. Kakashi toyed with Tenzō’s hair and drifted off to sleep. Lighter in heart and mind, no more nightmares affected him. They slept the remainder of the night in peace, together.

 

_To be concluded...very definitely last chapter next time!_

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are! the end! WAAAH! I am so going to miss this story! I've enjoyed writing it and SO loved your comments and support! I hope you enjoy the ending and the little pic at the end XD  
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos and everything, it has been truly appreciated!! :D Until next time...... ;)

Home was less than two days walk away and both Kakashi and Tenzō had mixed feelings about their return to Konoha. As their surroundings grew more familiar, Tenzō became increasingly subdued. He was excited to be going home and looked forward to seeing the village and how it had changed since he left. But he was also apprehensive as to how he would be received on his return. No one really knew why he had left. He did not want to have to explain himself to anyone. But there would be questions that he could not avoid and he did not welcome the attention such questions would undoubtedly bring.

Kakashi assured him that people were not stupid; they knew boundaries, especially with someone who was once in ANBU. People expected ANBU operatives to be secretive. It went some way to allay Tenzō's fears, but he was a slave to his emotions and it wasn't easy to push irrational thought from his mind.

Kakashi's fears were not for himself, but for Tenzō. He worried over a relapse of Tenzō's darker frames of mind. He worried that the man would never settle back in Konoha or that Tenzō might leave almost as soon as they arrived. But with their arrival back in Konoha imminent, such fears and worries were only natural.

They set up camp on what was to be the last night of their journey. Kakashi found a small cave which was dry and large enough for them both to spend the night. As Tenzō built a small fire, Kakashi unpacked their kit and set it out on the ground. By the time he returned to sit beside him, Tenzō sat gazing into the building flames. Unmoving and silent, lost in a daydream.

“What are you thinking?” Kakashi asked after several quiet moments passed.

Tenzō shrugged his shoulders, still looking into the flames. “Just that by this time tomorrow, we’ll be home.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“No. I just...”

“What?”

“Nothing. I'm just being stupid.”

“You're never stupid. What's bothering you?”

Tenzō twisted his hand in his hair and huffed, his shoulders dropping. “It's just, I won't have you to myself any more.”

Kakashi chuckled as he pulled his legs up folded his arms on his knees. “Well, I'm no longer Hokage and I plan to retire from active service when we get back. There will be plenty of time to spend together.”

“You might want to reconsider that.”

Kakashi was puzzled by his words. “Why would I?”

“Well, maybe you would need time away. You know...crazy guy here...” Tenzō said, holding up a hand and waving.

“You're not crazy. I'm the crazy one.”

“How so?”

“I took too long to come find you.”

Tenzō laughed and threw a small branch on the fire. “I'm glad you came for me.”

“As am I.”

“I've been meaning to ask you something.” Tenzō said as he pulled the kunai from his thigh holster. The lethal blade glinted in the light of the fire and Kakashi stared at it worriedly.

“Umm, you already tried to kill me twice, Tenzō. They say third time's the charm...”

Tenzō looked mortified and dropped the kunai on the ground as if it was hot to the touch. “No! No...I...I wondered if you would mind cutting my hair!” He spluttered, a blush rising from his neck upwards.

Kakashi laughed and reached for the kunai. “Why? There’s nothing wrong with your hair. It suits you.”

“It...well...It reminds me of everything...I've been through...who I-”

He stopped when Kakashi moved closer and positioned himself behind him. He stretched out his legs at either side and combed his fingers through Tenzō's long hair. “Of course.”

Tenzō sat with his shoulders hunched as Kakashi quietly began to cut his hair. He picked at stones on the ground as the kunai easily sliced through his long locks. It felt strange to have someone do this having always maintained it himself. But in a way, Kakashi was helping him shed much more than just hair. All the years he had been likened to the Shodaime. The reason he had been taken during the war. The pain and humiliation of it all was shed with every thick lock of hair that fell to the ground. Tenzō purged these painful thoughts from his mind.

The fire crackled and flickered and at last he felt true peace. Warmth filled his entire body and his mind felt clearer than it had for years. Kakashi's quiet presence and perfect understanding was like a healing balm upon his soul. He sighed quietly and closed his eyes, finally enjoying  a moment of tranquillity that he never thought he would ever attain.

“I'm going to miss this.” Kakashi said mournfully as he sliced through the final lock of hair. He put his arm over Tenzō's shoulder and rubbed the cut lock between his fingers before handing it to him.

“It's only hair, senpai. You still have me.” Tenzō smiled as he took the hair and twirled it in his fingers.

“Yes.” Kakashi breathed as he pulled Tenzō back onto his chest. “I still have you.”

Tenzō relaxed and smiled as Kakashi wrapped his arms around him. They sat there quietly as the flames of the fire crackled and rose up brightly, filling the cave with a warm glow and pleasant heat.

“I don't think I ever thanked you for saving my life.” Tenzō said after a while.

“Mah, I didn't really.”

“You did.” Tenzō said, turning in Kakashi's arms to face him. “I don't think I would have survived much longer. I had...thoughts that...well...Thank you, senpai.”

Kakashi nodded and raised his hand. He ran his fingers through Tenzō's now much shorter hair. “I would have searched forever for you.” He whispered before pulling down his mask and leaning in for a kiss.

It was a gentle kiss, full of meaning and promise. Like their first kiss many years before, it made their hearts beat quicker and their bodies tingle with excitement. But this kiss was filled with much more than just desire. Their hearts burned with love for one another. Their eyes remained open, locked as if staring through to the soul within. It was a deep connection between two kindred spirits who were desperate to be one.

Kakashi slowly lay himself down, pulling Tenzō with him, unwilling to let go. Tenzō followed as he sank his fingers into Kakashi's hair and deepened the kiss. Their bodies pressed together as their hearts beat in unison and it would be the first time they had been together since before Tenzō left.

But their fevered exploration of each other immediately ceased when they heard the sound of something approaching the cave. They both looked to the entrance as they got to their feet and readied themselves. When the attack came, it left Tenzō in hysterics. A pack of dogs came rushing in and all of them jumped on Kakashi, pulling him to the ground. Tenzō quickly scrambled out of the way as the slobbering pack nuzzled and licked their master. Kakashi was buried under a mound of yapping and whining furry bodies. All that could be seen of him was one foot and a tiny tuft of silver hair as the pack welcomed him home.

Tenzō backed away as the pack turned and advanced on him. He found himself crushed against the cave wall and licked to almost drowning. It was Kakashi's turn to laugh as Tenzō slowly slid down the wall and disappeared beneath the excited pack.

“Hey hey!” Kakashi shouted as he got to his feet. “You'll suffocate him!”

The dogs eventually stopped jumping around and found a spot by the fire, their tails wagging incessantly.

“Good to see you both! Welcome home.” Pakkun said as he sat himself down closest to Kakashi.

“Well, we're not quite home yet.” Tenzō said as he brushed himself down. “But thanks.”

“Bull insisted we come and surprise you after he picked up on the fact you were near.”

“Insisted, huh?” Kakashi looked sceptically at the ever silent Bull. “That is a surprise.”

“Well, yeah. You know what he's like when he gets something into his head.”

That was true. Bull, the largest of the pack, was unstoppable when he decided to do something. For the most part, if Bull moved, there was a really good reason that he did and so the pack almost always followed him.

“Looks like we have visitors for the night.” Kakashi sighed, looking at Tenzō apologetically.

They spoke for a while, getting up to date news and gossip from the village. Apparently things had really changed in Tenzō’s absence. The dogs spoke of new technology that seemed to fill every house and he puzzled over the use of such things. They spoke of how Naruto worked vigorously in maintaining the peace they had all fought to find. They talked long into the night until Tenzō noted the small tremble of Kakashi’s hand as he stifled a tired yawn. Tenzō stretched and yawned loudly, hoping the dogs would take the hint, which they did. The dogs said goodnight and retreated to the rear of the cave to bed down as the two men crawled into their makeshift beds.

Tenzō could not help but feel glad that this time tomorrow, he would be laying in a much more comfortable bed. But it suddenly struck him that he had no idea where that bed would be. He hadn't actually thought about it. He was sure his own lodgings would have been assigned to another in his absence and to ask Kakashi to stay with him seemed an overly forward thing to do. But the thought of them going their separate ways once home just seemed wrong after everything they had been through.

Kakashi noticed that something was bothering him. He leaned up on his elbow and stared at Tenzō worriedly. “What's wrong?”

“I just realized, I have no where to go!”

“What do you mean?”

“To live! I don't have anywhere to live!” Tenzō could feel the beginnings of a panic attack and he swallowed hard.

Kakashi pulled himself closer, bringing his bedding with him in a clear statement of his intentions. He pulled Tenzō into his arms and sighed. “Tenzō, if I've learned anything these past few months, it is how much I need you in my life. Call me selfish, but I don't see myself living without you.”

“But-”

“What I'm saying is, I want you to share _my_ home...share my bed...” He leaned up on one arm and stared down at Tenzō. “...share my life...” Kakashi dipped his head and tenderly kissed him.

Tiredness was forgotten as the passion from before consumed them and soon their bodies writhed beneath their covers. They were all movement and passion, soft sighs and moans. As the dogs slept soundly away, the two men rediscovered each other. By morning, they slept in a tangled mess of limbs and crumpled bedding.

 

o0o0o0o0o

 

After Kakashi had a short chat with Pakkun, the dogs made their way back to Konoha ahead of them. It was early afternoon when Kakashi and Tenzō finally stepped into the boundaries of Konoha. Everything seemed so much greener and more beautiful than Tenzō remembered and he sighed happily as he breathed in air so sweet it made his mouth water. In no time at all, the gates to the village came into view in the distance.

“How do you feel?” Kakashi asked, seeing a sudden wariness descend over Tenzō.

“Honestly? A little scared.” Tenzō admitted. “Actually, quite terrified.”

Kakashi pulled him to a stop. “You know everything’s going to be fine. There is nothing in Konoha but people who care about you.”

“But that's the thing. What if they don't? What if they only wrote those letters for you? To get me home for you!”

“Isn't it enough that I love you?”

Tenzō looked away, his face reddening.

“I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.”

“Of course it’s enough. I just...what if you are the only one that wants me around?”

“I can assure you, the moment you walk in that village, people will be waiting for you.”

Tenzō shrugged, clearly doubting Kakashi's words. This was something Kakashi had been expecting. Tenzō had voiced similar concerns over the past few days. The closer they got to Konoha, the more evident his self doubt became.

Kakashi pulled him closer and rested their foreheads together. He stared into Tenzō’s wide scared eyes, unflinching and unblinking. “You are safe Tenzō.”

Tenzō sighed and closed his eyes. It took him a few moments to compose himself, but when he opened them, he was once again calm. “I know. Thank you.”

Kakashi kissed his forehead then looked down, taking Tenzō's hand in his own. “Come on. We'll do this together.”

As they approached the gates, Tenzō could feel his heart racing. He was nervous but did his best to hide it. Kakashi squeezed his hand in reassurance and Tenzō gulped when someone appeared at the village gates.

“Aha! There they are! We've been waiting!” Gai shouted as he pushed his wheelchair towards them. Tenzō smiled then stopped dead in his tracks as other people began to flood the entrance to the village. Soon it was full of smiling people, all cheering and clapping. Someone unfurled a large banner, the words 'Welcome home, Captain Yamato!' emblazoned across it.

Tenzō suffered a moment of sheer panic and he almost ran. But he felt Kakashi's strong grip tighten on his hand. “Calm down, you’re safe. These are your friends and the family you have been searching for. Welcome home, my Tenzō.”

Tenzō was speechless. Before him were many happy smiling faces, all seemingly glad to see him. Eyes did not look at him with scorn, but excitement. He picked familiar faces out from the crowd, happy to see the ones that smiled and cheered the most were those he considered to be his closest friends. Genma winked and waved. Gai folded his arms and beamed proudly at him. Ibiki nodded and grinned widely. Iruka waved then clasped his hands together before holding them over his smiling mouth. Even Tsunade, leaning against the wall, managed a bright smile for him. Above on one of the rooftops, he spied a lone ANBU operative with long purple hair. She waved when his eyes alighted upon her. She pointed to the top of Hokage Monument then clasped both hands together, bowed, then vanished. Tenzō’s mind reeled with it all. So many people had turned out for his return and he could scarcely believe it. When he eventually found his voice, he turned to Kakashi.

“You did this?”

Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck and nodded meekly. “I sent a scroll ahead for Gai with Pakkun.”

Before he could say another word, a shout came from the crowd. “Captain Yamato!”

Tenzō turned to see Naruto. Clothed in the garb of Hokage, he stood with his arms folded and a stern look on his face. “Well?”

“It...It really does suit you, Nanadaime.” Tenzō replied with a respectful bow, knowing exactly what he was asking.

Naruto grinned then ran towards him. Tenzō was pulled into a warm hug then Naruto held him at arms length and laughed. “Welcome home, Yamato.”

Cheers rose up behind them and Tenzō found himself being dragged through the crowd by Naruto and into the village. He craned his head to see Kakashi, who waved and laughed as Tenzō disappeared amongst the cheering mob. He was not afraid anymore. There was no scorn or shunning as he thought there might be, only acceptance and excitement for his return. Tenzō grinned and silently thanked Kakashi as he was pulled towards Market Street.

Kakashi shook his head and pushed his hands deep in his pockets with a sigh as he sauntered over to the only person remaining by the entrance.

“Well?”

“Trust you to get the whole village out for him.”

“Hey, I only said to Shizune and Sakura that you two were heading home. Word spread like wildfire. I had little to do with the resulting excitement. There is not one person present that didn't want to be here.”

Kakashi smiled and placed a hand on Gai's shoulder. “Thank you, for everything.”

“Well, isn't that what friends are for?” Gai replied before becoming more sombre. “You both look tired and drawn, Kakashi. Was it that bad?”

“Let's just say it was less of a nostalgic tour than it was a journey of discovery.”

“How is he?”

“Better than he was when I found him.” Kakashi admitted, not wanting to talk about it just yet. “I nearly lost him. Nearly lost myself.”

“But you didn't and you are both home.” Gai sensed Kakashi's understandable reluctance and steered the conversation in a different direction. “Come, let us celebrate! Not one, but two friends have returned, and I want the village to know how glad I am! Wait until you see what they all arranged!”

He followed Gai to the village centre and could not believe his eyes. Market street had been completely transformed. A thin layer of netting had been stretched out over the rooftops, from which lanterns of all shapes and sizes hung down. Colourful decorations were attached to every surface possible making the area bright and welcoming. Music came from various speakers set up around the space and Kakashi learned of Naruto's new favourite gadget, though he had no clue as to how the music got in or out of the thing. Food and drink were set up in various locations and the air was filled with the scent of deliciousness. Gai grinned as he watched Kakashi take it all in, proud to have impressed his rival.

“Well, what do you think?”

“They did all this for Tenzō?” Kakashi asked disbelievingly.

“Yes. And for you. You were both missed.”

Kakashi caught sight of Tenzō, happily conversing with Sakura and Sai. He stood there confidently, laughing with the others while enjoying some food. Kakashi smiled, glad to see him at ease and he found himself relax as a result.

“Come Kakashi. Let's go find somewhere quiet to catch up.”

Kakashi nodded and followed Gai, already missing Tenzō.

 

o0o0o0o0o0o

 

Sakura grabbed Tenzō's hand and pulled him towards the dark haired man who stood by one of the stalls eating candy with a young girl.

“Welcome home, Captain Yamato.” Sasuke politely greeted him.

“Thank you Sasuke, it’s nice to be home.”

Sakura excitedly introduced their daughter as Sasuke smiled and messed the young girls hair. Tenzō said hello, taking the small girls outstretched hand and shaking it. She had a surprisingly strong handshake.

“Are you the Mukoton user my mum speaks about so often?” Sarada asked as she pushed her glasses back on her face.

“I believe I am.”

“I've always admired your work, sir. Quite an amazing talent you have.”

“Thank you, Sarada.” Tenzō replied, not missing a beat even though the smile froze on his face.

A brash and loud voice sounded behind him. “Hey! You!” Tenzō turned to see a young blond haired boy. “My dad said you are awesome. Do something awesome!”

Sakura sniggered as Tenzō mouthed wordlessly. He looked down on the child so obviously Naruto and Hinata’s. He stood there with arms folded and feet wide apart, just like Naruto.

“Boruto!” Hinata appeared from nowhere and scolded her son. “What did I tell you about being so rude!”

“But mum! I want to see how awesome he is! Dad's goes on and on and...”

“I'm sorry Captain Yamato!” Hinata apologized. “Sometimes he is so like his father!”

“So I see!” Tenzō laughed, waving as the two disappeared into the crowd in search of Naruto and Himawari.

Sasuke stepped up beside him, looking out over the partying crowd. “A lot of time has passed and things have changed. I found it quite overwhelming at first. Everyone wanting to speak to you, ask you questions. Should you ever need a quiet place, you are always welcomed at our house.”

Tenzō was taken aback to hear such words from Sasuke. He had always thought the worst of the man, yet here he was offering him the sanctuary of his home.

“I appreciate the offer, truly.”

“Well, Sakura and Naruto always sing highly of your praises. For someone who helped my family so often in the past, it is the least I can do.”

Tenzō turned to face Sasuke, seeing for the first time, a great Uchiha standing before him. The proud tilt of his head, the deep serious gaze of his dark eyes; the man had changed. If someone such as Sasuke was able to turn himself around to become the balanced man before him, then Tenzō thought that perhaps there was some hope for himself after all.

“Thank you, Sasuke.”

Sasuke nodded his head then laughed as a rather inebriated Genma grabbed Tenzō and pulled him away. Dragged to the bar, he was thrown into a chair beside Iruka and Ibiki. Tenzō found himself in the middle of a drinking competition with Genma before he even knew what was happening. It seemed the competition had started long ago, as after only four drinks, it was almost over.

“Man I've missed this! Maybe it's the drink talking, but I really missed you, bud.” Genma slurred.

Tenzō put his glass on the table upside down so no more could be poured into it. “Well I've missed you all too.”

“What happened, man? Why'd you leave anyway?”

“I don't think-” Iruka started but Tenzō raised a hand.

“No it's fine. I just had some things to sort through. That's all.”

“Aaaaand....you're good?”

Tenzō laughed, “Yeah, I'm good.”

“Good. Now, gerrus another bottle and we'll get drunk.” Genma mumbled as his head dropped and bounced off the table, a loud snore sounding almost immediately.

“Looks like the party is over for this one.” Ibiki laughed and slapped Genma back. “Fancy another?”

“Actually, if you excuse me, I have somewhere to be. Catch up another time?”

“Sure!”

It took some time to make his way through the crowd, being stopped by almost everyone who wished to say hello. By the time he reached Hokage Monument, Yūgao had already been waiting for ten minutes.

She pulled him into a tight hug. “Hey, freak!”

“So good to see you, Yūgao!”

“I really wanted to be there when you arrived, but I was placed on guard duty. Your little party took quite the organization.” Yūgao said as they sat down on the rocky ground

“I bet it did.”

“I really missed you. I worried that you'd never come back. How are you?”

“I'm fine. Tired actually.” Tenzō said as he looked out over the village. “Walked all day then dragged into a party I had no idea had been organized.”

“I doubt anyone thought of that. Everyone was just so excited. You should have seen Naruto and Sakura. They were like kids again.”

“They sure have all grown in such a short time.”

“So have you.” Yūgao said, linking their arms together.

Tenzō looked to her, wondering what she meant.

“You look less troubled than I've ever seen you. I take it you found the things you were searching for?”

Tenzō chuckled sadly. “Actually, I only found them earlier when I stepped back in the village.”

Yūgao bumped his shoulder with her own and laughed. “You always were rather blind to what was right in front of you.”

“You can say that again.” A voice sounded behind them.

Yūgao jumped to her feet. “Kakashi-senpai! It's good to see you again.”

“It’s good to be home, thank you.” Kakashi said as he walked towards them. “I wonder if I might steal Tenzō from you?”

“Oh course! We’ll catch up tomorrow.” Yūgao smiled, winked at Tenzō, then disappeared in the blink of an eye.

“Maybe I should book an appointment, what with everyone wanting to spend time with you.” Kakashi said as he sat down beside Tenzō.

“The only moment alone I’ve managed was earlier while standing on your giant rock head.” Tenzō grinned.

“My giant rock head, huh? Got to admit, I look good up here.”

Tenzō laughed and lightly pushed Kakashi who fell onto his back and sighed. “I missed you.”

“Yeah, you and everyone else in the village, apparently.” Tenzō replied with a smile.

“No, I really missed you. I've not had a moment with you since we got back.” Kakashi said, leaning up on his arms.

“Well, you were the one that let everyone know we were coming. Thanks for that, by the way.”

It was a glorious night. As the sun set, the colours that swirled in the sky were as bright and numerous as the lanterns that flickered in the village.

“It really is a beautiful sight, isn’t it?” Tenzō said as the party continued in the streets below.

“Yes.” Kakashi whispered, suddenly quite close. “You really are.” He rested his head on Tenzō’s shoulder and grinned wickedly, his mask pulled down beneath his chin.

Tenzō laughed then pushed Kakashi onto his back again and looked down on him. He thought for a few moments, biting his bottom lip as he came to a decision. His hands swiftly flew through a pattern that made Kakashi hold his breath and watch him with eager interest.

Placing his hands together, Tenzō closed his eyes and concentrated. His hands moved as if moulding something then slowly pulled apart. Tenzō used his Mokuton to create something for Kakashi, something far more intricate than he had ever created before. When he finished, he handed it to Kakashi who took hold of it carefully and looked at it with such reverence that it made Tenzō’s heart swell with pride and love.

Kakashi whistled as he held the object up and inspected it closely. “Now that, is beautiful.” He said finally.

In Kakashi’s hand was a delicate, miniature shelter. Within it were two tiny wolves, apparently asleep. One was made in bleached white wood. It had long shaggy fur and a score through its left eye. The other was made of a much darker wood, it’s fur shorter but just as shaggy around the head and shoulders. They lay side by side, their heads touching. It was the most fragile and detailed sculpture that Tenzō had ever made and there was no need to guess the meaning behind it.

When Kakashi eventually looked to Tenzō, his eyes glistened.

“I never thought I’d see you use it again.”

“Well, it’s part of me, it’s part of who I am. And it makes me happy to see you smile at my creations.”

Tenzō leaned over and kissed Kakashi, who pulled him close and kissed him back fervently. Tenzō pulled away long enough to look into Kakashi’s eyes, then smiled coyly.

“Let’s go home, senpai.”

 

The END!

 

**_Thanks for the support and sticking with it to the end!! :D_ **

 


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